Love Island, last orders and how not to lose dates

Au revoir Love Island…

Félicitations to Kem et Amber for winning on the Île d'amour – that’s Love Island to you, mes amis. After almost two months in a sunny Majorcan villa, their return to a wet Angleterre must be très sad. Instead of flying straight home, they should have stopped off in France, where at least they could have had some suprême bière to raise their spirits.

…and to the pub landlord

It’s also a sad adieu to Gerry O’Brien, who is calling time on his career as landlord of Le Churchill Arms in Kensington after 32 years behind the bar. After pulling around two million pints of one brand alone, he’s expert at delivering drinks. We just hope that, in retirement, he’ll be as good at removing ring pulls on refreshing cans of his new favourite tipple. Santé Gerry!

Anyone for cricket?

Well mes petit sports fans, we cannot pretend that we understand le cricket, any more than you understand le pétanque. But it’s grande félicitations to le femmes anglaise for their victory against India in the World Cup final last weekend. This was a magnifique success for les cricketeuses and we salute you. Now, if someone could just explain “silly mid-on” and “long leg” to us, s'il vous plaît…

Dating dos and don’ts

Les hommes have revealed some of the phrases that turn them off on dating apps. Nothing gets them swiping left faster than le femmes who call themselves a “princess”. Well, we have the solution to ensure you ladies have everyone swiping a droite: change your profile picture to something cool and sophisticated and call yourself suprême. You’ll be très popular. Just maybe don’t say you’re 350 years old…

For more than 350 years Kronenbourg 1664 has been crafting the taste suprême. For more information go to k1664.co.uk