I’m giving Ofsted an ‘A’ for finally realising that there’s more to education than just exam results

What would Westminster be like if the most capable people always rose to the most powerful positions? What would The X Factor be like if Simon Cowell and pals were actually interested in discovering the most talented musicians? And what would our school system be like if Ofsted existed to help ensure every child receives the best possible education?

Following yesterday’s launch of a new inspection framework for schools, we may soon discover the answer to one of those questions. As Ofsted chief Amanda Spielman laid out in her speech, the changes are aimed at ensuring schools are judged not only on their results but also on the methods used to deliver them.

In a policy area plagued by pointless tinkering, cynicism is understandable, but Ofsted’s shift of focus from “outcomes” to “quality of education” could be huge. I say that as both the loyal daughter of two overworked teachers and the panicked mother of two children who may soon outgrow the tutelage of Dora the Explorer — but I’m not the only one who thinks so. While scepticism remains around implementation, the Government, the Labour Party and some teaching unions have all broadly backed Ofsted’s aims.

This fixation on performance tables has been ruining lesson plans and lives since I was at school. Then, as now, the most skilful teachers would sometimes manage to give their students an education and help them pass tests, but these two tasks are by no means mutually achievable. Often they don’t even overlap.

I vividly remember one exam-cram history lesson, which the teacher spent writing sentences out on the board for us to memorise and then replicate later on. “But sir,” I said, “won’t the exam board realise something is up when they receive hundreds of identical papers analysing the importance of the Treaty of Versailles in the build-up to the Second World War?” Our teacher smiled sadly and shook his head. “If only, Ellen, if only…” I shut my mouth and got an A.

As Ofsted now recognises, gaming the system in this way and others is not beyond the wit of educators. It’s easier to meet targets in core subjects like English and maths if music, art and languages are ditched from the curriculum. It’s a cinch to maintain a respectable position in the results tables if all the less able pupils are excluded before they get the chance to sit their exams (a practice known as “off-rolling”).

Still, because teachers are aware of the negative impact on students and because teachers are nice, they’ll avoid doing any of that unless pushed. The problem is that teachers are being pushed and, until now, it was Ofsted doing the pushing.

So the news that Ofsted is putting its weight behind a broader definition of education can only be a good thing. Of course, if the current funding crisis continues, schools still won’t have the resources to enact the recommendations, however reasonable, and real student “outcomes” — the ones no exam results table recognises — will continue to suffer. But we’re still awarding marks for effort, right?

Netflix and chill — it’s only winter

After a long, hot summer and a bizarrely balmy autumn, winter is finally here. This cold spell is forecast to stay with us for the foreseeable. Last year the Beast from the East bounced in like a Siberian heavyweight entering the ring, pummelled the nation with its icy punches and had us all flat on the mat until mid-March. This time around we’re coming out fighting. Sort of.

I’m not saying that all public transport won’t instantly grind to a halt the moment the Met Office confirms that first snow flurry. This is still England. But at least we’ve now acquired some wintry wisdom to see us through.

You now know, for instance, that using the weather as an excuse to cancel on your mates is a slippery slope. Start off in that direction and you may end up never going out again and having no mates. And maybe that’s no bad thing? Who needs human contact when you’ve got a Netflix subscription?

Just buy yourself a scarf that’s actually a duvet, buy yourself a duvet that’s actually an Arctic tent, then buy yourself an Arctic tent and use it to store stockpiled soup cans until spring arrives. Winter sorted.

*While I would never disgrace these pages by using them to defend estate agents, we do have one reason to thank them: Channel 4 sitcom Stath Lets Flats, which has just been recommissioned for a second series. It’s written by Jamie Demetriou, who also stars as Stath, a terrible, thick and oddly loveable estate agent.

Stath’s equally dim and loveable sister Sophie is played by Jamie’s real-life sister and fellow stand-up, Natasia. And you thought there was nothing funny about the London property market!