As Coachella 2017 prepares to open its doors and provide another desert getaway for festival-ready music lovers, the clamour for second-hand tickets is high after passes sold out in less than three hours.
One man, a divorced 56-year-old going by the name of Gordon, placed a Craigslist advert in January 2017 looking to capitalise on this desperation in incredibly uncomfortable fashion.
The former Supervising Manager at Soup Plantation in West Corvina, California, offered a "once in a lifetime opportunity" to attend the festival with a VIP weekend 1 pass, all-expenses paid, by accompanying him as a "travel companion" in his Breaking Bad style RV.
Acts playing that weekend, starting Friday (14 April), include Radiohead, The XX and Lady Gaga. The latter replaced Beyonce as headliner following her pregnancy.
The catch? Gordon, or "Gordie" as he prefers to be known, will be enforcing 20 strict – and very concerning – ground rules for potential applicants, all of whom must be female and between the ages of 19-25.
The handpicked music fan would stay with Gordon in the Tropics Motor Motel in Idio "Thursday through Monday".
If this premise has not rung alarm bells already, the poster, who admitted to having "just left" his job, divorcing his wife of 11 years and cashing out $401,000 to make life "about having fun," requested that the the companion be "open-minded and opportunistic".
The requirements in the post, since removed, continued to get more controlling.
The winner needed to have a "cute indian headband" and "ripped jean shorts", while painting her finger and toenails accordingly. A playlist of Coachella artists was also deemed preferable for the ride over, for which Gordon would provide "beef jerky and peanut butter sandwiches".
But, in return, "periodic hand-holding" would be expected — particularly during sensual songs. "Excessive fraternising with other male festival-goers", would result in swift termination of the deal.
The scenario then takes a sinister sexual undertone. Hands must be "kept moisturised" at all times amid "periodic moments of extended eye contact" while "any personal grooming, such as toenail clipping, eyebrow plucking or lipstick application" needed to be done in his presence.
Gordon also encouraged the potential attendee to let him brush their hair, insist they call him naughty "at least twice" and say "I didn't know how this would go, but I'm actually having a nice time".
It is not known if the post was removed for safety reasons, or because Gordie had the offer accepted.
Gordon's 20 demands (as originally posted):
1. Must be female between the ages of 19 and 25
2. Must be comfortable traveling in a Recreational Vehicle (Vintage Shasta Chinook 3100 – pic attached).
3. Must have fashionable sense of style in the vein of typical coachella goer (i.e. cute indian headband, small ripped jean shorts, lots of colorful bracelets, etc).
4. Preferably have a playlist of various Coachella artists on phone we can listen to on ride over.
5. Must keep hands and feet moisturized at all times.
6. Must be open-minded and opportunistic.
7. Must be ok with periodic hand-holding (perhaps during certain sensual songs and while walking into the festival initially).
8. Fingernails and Toenails must be nicely painted and harmonious with general color scheme of outfit.
9. I will provide snacks such as beef jerky and peanut butter sandwiches but if you have additional snacks and/or drinks...BIG BONUS!
10. Being social is fine but no excessive fraternizing with other male festival-goers, and most definitely NO PUBLIC AFFECTION with other festival-goers (violation of this rule results in immediate removal of Tropic Motor Motel room privileges and maybe even return ride).
11. Periodic moments of extended eye contact.
12. Allow me to brush your hair once per day (not mandatory, but encouraged).
13. Must not be into drugs, pot ok.
14. Must take a minimum of four photos of us together and post them to your Instigram account.
15. Any personal grooming such as toenail clipping, eyebrow plucking or lipstick application must be done in my presence.
16. At least once during festival, you must allow me to carry you on my shoulders so you can see stage better (perfect time for instigram photo!)
17. At least twice during the festival you must tell me in a playful manner that "I am naughty".
18. At some point in time during the festival you must tell me that "you didn't know how this would go, but you're actually having a really good time".
19. At least once during our stay after your shower, you must use the steam to write a cute message on the bathroom mirror for me to find later when I shower.
20. Must be ready to party and HAVE FUN!
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