Maureen Lipman quipped her experience at Heathrow has “taken years” off her life and put her off going on holidays.
Heathrow has recently been plunged into chaos with travellers complaining of staff shortages and no social distancing at the airport.
Writing about her own experiences, the actress flew back into Heathrow after her five-day trip to bask in the sun in green-lit Malta.
Forms and tests proved to be “stressful enough” before arriving at the airport, the 75-year-old said.
On the ground, the star likened Terminal five to Gateway to Babel with “thousands of tired souls”.
And in fact, after the whole experience, Ms Lipman vowed she would never go abroad again.
She wrote for The Daily Mail: “I’m here to tell you I will never go abroad again. Never. Neither will any sensible, sentient human being over 70. Not if they have to fly in to Heathrow, that is. It took years off my life.”
She added: “By the time I reached Arrivals, I was a bit short of breath and even more so when I saw the upward escalator was jammed, with at least 50 people stuck on it and the immigration hall at the top was looking like the third day of Glastonbury.
“I mean, Welcome to Terminal 5, Gateway to Babel. By Pieter Bruegel. Thousands of tired souls with prams and scooters and squalling babes and elderly, limping codgers – one of whom was me – shuffling and snaking around meaningless ropes to beg or barter their way into this sceptred isle.”
Queues had got so bad in recent weeks Heathrow and the Home Office apologised for the “unacceptable queueing times” at the airport.