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May skewered by even Schofield's softballs on This Morning sofa

Phillip Schofield and Holly Willoughby with Theresa May
Asked if she was enjoying her job as prime minister, Theresa May sounded less than convincing. Photograph: Ken McKay/ITV/Rex/Shutterstock

Theresa May was taking no chances. She had been told that no student got out of bed much before 11, so just to be on the safe side she delayed her arrival on the This Morning sofa until nearer 11.30, to maximise her audience. This was the day of her government’s higher education funding review and what better way to show she really did have students’ best interests at heart than keeping it real with Phillip Schofield and Holly Willoughby?

Even when the prime minister is trying to be relaxed and chatty she manages to put those around her on edge. As she began her prepared opening remarks in staccato barks, both Schofield and Willoughby visibly tensed – as if they knew the next 15 minutes were going to be hard work.

Something needed to be done, May insisted. Young people were being encouraged to do expensive university degrees that weren’t worth the money when many would be better off doing apprenticeships or other vocational education. This sounded more like a shameless plea to get all those students who had voted Labour at the last election to vote Tory next time round, rather than a properly considered policy. Not least because half her own party had already argued it would do little to promote social mobility.

Schofield gently pointed out that it was a Conservative government that had trebled tuition fees, before asking if a prime minister needed to have gone to university. “Absolutely not,” May replied quickly. “John Major didn’t go to university.” Though you couldn’t help wondering if the non-university educated politician Schofield really had in mind was Jeremy Corbyn.

Having exhausted the prime minister’s knowledge of her latest proposals, Willoughby brought the subject on to mental health in schools. More needed to be done, May admitted. Schofield raised an eyebrow. How was giving £300 to each primary school to train teachers to be counsellors going to help? You couldn’t even buy a bogus counselling qualification off the internet for that.

Willoughby observed that This Morning had done far more to raise awareness of bullying in schools with its “Be Kind” campaign than the government had managed in years. May was handed a Be Kind wristband and reluctantly put it on. These days, even what her advisers had promised would be the softest of daytime TV interviews turns into an embarrassing ordeal for her.

“Are you enjoying this job?” Schofield asked, cutting to the chase.

“Yes.”

She didn’t sound at all convincing, so Schofield repeated the question. “Yes,” she said again, even less convincingly.

“You can’t have imagined it was going to be like this,” Schofield continued.

“There are huge issues …” Yes, like Brexit. Which didn’t even get a mention. Everyone deserved a day off now and again.

Schofield’s eyes glinted with bloodlust. He couldn’t help himself going for the kill: how did it feel to be constantly described as “beleaguered, hanging on by a thread, loss of power … don’t you spend a lot of time looking to make sure no one is about to stab you in the back?” Or, in Schofield’s case, the front.

“I’m doing a job,” May said piteously, reaching for her default survival algorithm that never fails to fail. “And I’m jolly well going to go on and do it.” Seldom has a prime minister sounded less upbeat about her own chances. She looked as if she was on the point of tears.

Willoughby tried to steer her to safer ground by asking some gentle questions about her personal life. Only to expose her discomfort around the touchy-feely stuff. May struggles to connect with herself, let alone the country. Could she switch off? “Well, I never get to the end of a box set,” she replied. Making you wonder why she ever bothered to start one. Or whether she had the concentration for complicated Brexit negotiations.

“I like cooking and walking,” she eventually conceded, as if she was having a tooth pulled.

Schofield gave her one last chance: kick off your shoes and order a takeaway. May laughed nervously. The only thing she would be taking away was herself. Never to return to the sofa.