May I have a word about... utility firms digging a hole for themselves

I normally have an equable relationship with the public utility companies.

Well, there was the time when a man digging a trench outside the house for a new electric main put his digger through the water main and confessed that he hadn’t been provided with the proper plans. Still, the impromptu fountain was quite diverting.

However, that relationship was put under severe strain last week when I received the following from Scottish and Southern regarding some future improvements: “The project, which will build resilience into the area’s power supply through the undergrounding of section of cable and the refurbishment of the primary substation, will also allow for future commercial and residential connections.”

Look, I want utility companies to speak in plain English, not decide that perfectly good English words such as bury need to be sexed up. This sort of tripe is fit only for dodgy PR companies. Reading further on, the company says: “Please note the works carried out will NOT interrupt your power supply.” I’m not feeling too sanguine about that pledge.

The Chinese authorities insist that the incidence of coronavirus is falling within China itself. Bet they’ve got some pretty impressive number crunchers. If only the incidence of the use of “epicentre” would show a similar retreat. But no. From the early days of its outbreak in Wuhan, “experts” of various hues have dished this out with carefree abandon. Could we get this straight: “epicentre - the point on the Earth’s surface directly above the focus of an earthquake”? Centre will do more than adequately.

I’ve always thought of New Yorkers as some of the most sophisticated people, but now I’m not so sure.

My wife recently returned from New York with some essential duty free for me. I couldn’t help noticing on the bag the following legend – “International Shoppe”. I think the NY style police should hotfoot it to JFK and administer a good dose of modern spelling.

• Jonathan Bouquet is an Observer columnist