Meghan Markle Found the Windsor Walkabout with William and Kate 'Very Difficult,' Says Source

Meghan and Prince Harry stepped out alongside Kate and Prince William after Queen Elizabeth's death, but the reunion was strained

When Kate Middleton and Prince William stepped out alongside Prince Harry and Meghan Markle at Windsor Castle following Queen Elizabeth's death, many hoped the reunion was the first step in reconciliation between the brothers and their wives. However, the surprise outing was difficult for both couples behind the scenes.

In his new book Our King: Charles III, author Robert Jobson wrote that Kate later said the outing was "one of the hardest things she's ever had to do."

Meghan felt similarly about the walkabout, where the two couples viewed tributes to Queen Elizabeth and greeted mourners gathered outside.

"That's the longest they had ever been away from the kids, and then on top of it, knowing what's being said out there — it was very difficult," a source tells PEOPLE exclusively in this week's issue.

Meghan, 41, and Prince Harry, 38, were in Europe for a series of charity appearances while their two children — Prince Archie and Princess Lilibet — remained in California when Queen Elizabeth died in September. The Duke and Duchess of Sussex extended their trip to attend the funeral events.

Related:Why Prince Harry Is Going to the Coronation Without Meghan Markle: 'It's Become So Personal'

According to Kensington Palace, Prince William invited his brother and sister-in-law to join them — but it was Kate who came up with the idea.

"She didn't want her or William to have any regrets," a friend of Kate's told PEOPLE.

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Although Buckingham Palace announced last week that Prince Harry will attend his father's crowning ceremony on May 6, the rift between him and the rest of the royal family remains— as evidenced by the Duke of Sussex not seeing King Charles or Prince William during his visit to London to attend a court hearing last month.

"Things are strained," a palace insider says.

While Prince Harry and King Charles have had "positive conversations" ahead of the coronation, there has been no communication between Prince Harry and Prince William, and an insider says Harry's appearance at the crowning ceremony will do little to ease tensions.

"I don't think the coronation and a big conversation can be conflated," says an insider.

Related:King Charles' Coronation: All Your Burning Questions About the Crowning Ceremony Answered

While Prince Harry attends the coronation solo, Meghan will remain in California with their two children. King Charles' crowning ceremony falls on Prince Archie's 4th birthday, and PEOPLE understands that the Duchess of Sussex will spend the weekend celebrating with him and his sister, 22-month-old Princess Lilibet.

"It's an elegant solution," royal biographer Sally Bedell Smith tells PEOPLE, adding that Archie's birthday "gave them a reasonable out for Meghan not to come."

But those closest to the couple know that the media backlash Meghan faced in the U.K. during Queen Elizabeth's funeral last year — and in the months since — played a significant role in her decision not to come.

"Meghan wants to be there to support her father-in-law, but at the same time, the scrutiny she receives outweighs the support," the close friend says. "There's always going to be that other side challenging their reasoning, and who wants to put themselves in that position?"

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