Meghan Markle told Oprah Winfrey that she contemplated suicide at the height of her crisis in the monarchy.
The Duchess of Sussex revealed she considered taking her own life during her and Prince Harry’s interview with the veteran talk show host, which aired in the US on Sunday night.
“You were having suicidal thoughts?” Oprah asked during the two-hour interview.
“Yes. It was very clear and very scary,” Meghan said. “I just didn’t see a solution.”
“Look, I was really ashamed to have to say it at the time and ashamed to have to admit it to Harry especially, because I know how much loss he’s suffered,” Meghan said.
“But I knew that if I didn’t say that I would do it... and I just didn’t ― I just didn’t want to be alive anymore. And that was a very clear and real and frightening constant thought.”
“I remember how [Harry] just cradled me. I went to the institution. And I said that I needed to go somewhere to get help. And I said that I’d never felt this way before. I need to go somewhere. And I was told that I couldn’t, because it wouldn’t be good for the institution.”
Meghan clarified that when she said “the institution,” she was referring to several people and that, when she was feeling suicidal, she went to one of the most senior people for help.
“I share this because there’s so many people who are afraid to voice that they need help,” she said. “And I know personally how hard it is to not just voice it, but when you voice it to be told no.
“And so I went to human resources. And I said ’I need help because at my old job there was a union and they would protect me.
“They said, ‘My heart goes out to you because I see how bad it is. But there’s nothing we can do to protect you because you’re not a paid employee.’”
CBS Presents Oprah with Meghan and Harry airs on ITV at 9pm tonight and on ITV Hub
MEGHAN AND HARRY:
Useful websites and helplines
Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393.
Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI - this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill).
This article originally appeared on HuffPost UK and has been updated.