Missing Wallet’s Contents Returned With Note Confirming Thief Is Kind Of The Worst

When Reilly Flaherty lost his wallet at a gig in Brooklyn, NY, he held on to a tiny shred of hope that he would see it - or at least all the hard-to-replace loyalty cards and ID - again.

Over a week later, that hope paid off - he was reunited with his driver’s license, credit cards and this semi-redemptive note.

“Dear Reilly Flaherty,” it begins. “I found your wallet and your drivers license and your address so here’s your credit cards and other important stuff.

Aww, that’s so nice. Right? That’s nice? He found the wallet and he’s returning it - well, some of it.

The note in all its ‘glory’ - Reilly Flaherty on Instagram

“I kept the cash because I needed weed…” Oh. Okay, that’s less nice. “Needing” weed isn’t like “needing” to eat or shelter yourself for a night.

“…the metrocard because well the fare’s $2.75 now…” Right…

“…and the wallet cause it’s kinda cool.” Not cool. This person found a wallet and thought, yes, I deserve to keep this cash, this cash-equivalent travel card and the actual wallet itself - a wallet I don’t even really love and think is only “kinda” cool.

“Enjoy the rest of your day,” the note concludes. “Toodles, Anonymous.”

TOODLES? This is the worst crime of all. Nobody who isn’t a mischievous butler in 1924 should ever say ‘toodles’.

“To be honest, I was thinking this person is the Walter White of wallet returning,” Flaherty told Mashable.

“They start out with seemingly good intentions, but then you quickly realize they’re actually just a villain plagued with an insatiable appetite for MetroCard spending and marijuana-infused subway rides, hurting everyone they love around them.”

Having already replaced his ID and credit cards by the time the note arrived, the whole debacle was a complete waste of everyone’s time. Still, 242 people have liked Flaherty’s post on Instagram. So that’s something.

Lead image: Martin Moxter / imageBROKER/REX Shutterstock