There’s more to Sir Keir than meets the eye – and it’s not looking good

Starmer
Starmer

Isn’t it funny how it’s always the quiet ones? There we were, thinking Sir Keir Starmer was as dull as an old stainless steel spoon, but it turns out he is rather more colourful – and complicated – than we all supposed.

Luxury penthouse apartments; designer clothes; VIP seats in Premier League football stadiums and much sought-after hot tickets to pop concerts – evidently he’s been living quite the high life.

Posing on the front cover of a magazine this week, our prime minister looks blander than ever – like a thousand other middle-aged middle managers. On closer inspection, the picture isn’t even him: it’s AI generated. Which is quite apposite really, because many of us are beginning to wonder who he really is.

As the revelations about the benefits he derived from his friendship with a wealthy party donor continue to flow, it is increasingly apparent that there is much more to Sir Keir than meets the eye.

His challenge now? Wafting away a growing stench of hypocrisy. That moral high horse of his, which he has spent the past three years riding, is looking more like a giraffe. Right now, it has its neck down, and Starmer is in grave danger of sliding off.

The difficulty is the sanctimonious air he adopted throughout “Partygate” and Boris Johnson’s troubles with gold wallpaper. Sir Keir led voters to believe that he was a different kind of politician, who would never grub around in such a way.
The earnest image he sold voters now looks like a massive fraud.

As for his secret best friend, squillionaire Lord Alli, you’ve got to hand it to him. The man has played an absolute blinder. Like a kind of reverse Where’s Wally, the wealthy peer with the Downing Street pass seems to be absolutely everywhere.

Somewhere in the middle of an increasingly dizzying picture is our prime minister – looking increasingly furtive.