Mortifying BBC fawning about an England team who don't exist proves this mob will NEVER get it – Euro TV obliteration

Mortifying BBC fawning about an England team who don't exist proves this mob will NEVER get it – Euro TV obliteration

It was six days since England last played, plenty of time to forget the boredom and misery their performances invariably produce and get back to the usual English exceptionalism which precedes every game.

The truth is, those on the telly all think they see the English exceptionalism now, but they don’t really. Don’t see how it’s shot through them completely. They continually over-rate the Three Lions players, taking performances out of context, unable to decouple themselves from their reality-distorting hero worship.

Alongside the BBC’s Gary Lineker are Rio Ferdinand, who has not performed well, repeating obvious observations. Frank Lampard, who you feel is always bluffing it, and Micah Richards in from-the-future transparent framed glasses. His contribution is largely to say he just wants England to play well and with pride. You don’t say. Kelly Sommers interviews Man City’s Phil Foden, who looks like he’s on the run or up in court.

Frank tries to explain where England has gone wrong. But given he’s been such an average manager, it lacks credibility. A package with England supporters shows how embarrassing they are, including a red-faced growling Phil Mitchell who does look a typical thick-necked England fan. Soon Kelly is back, this time with Theo Walcott who looks like a Blue Peter presenter on a youth hostelling holiday. “Switzerland are a team, we’re a collection of individuals” is especially perceptive.

Micah tries to show how good Switzerland are, which can be summed up as they pass it well and throw men forward. England doesn’t. Easy game football. Lampard speaks like he’s coming out with great insights, frowning all the while, like this stuff is hard. It isn’t. Alan Shearer is in the co-comms box, grinning like a cat that got, not just the cream, but the whole dairy aisle. Guy Mowbray is with him to do the commentary.

The BBC see things no one else can
The BBC see things no one else can

England are a bit better in the first half. This is like food to someone who hasn’t eaten in a while and it makes the boys praise the team so much that you’d think it wasn't a draw. It’s really embarrassing. Kelly and Theo return to add to the love-in. Good grief. It’s not 5-0.

Switzerland didn’t play very well, England dropped deeper, Foden’s eyes got more desperately pleading. All inevitable after the ludicrous half-time praise. Switzerland predictably scored with 16 minutes to go. Cue subs. “I hope it’s not too late,” says Shearer, just before Bukayo Saka scores. More ludicrous praise and extra time.

This mob will never learn, will they?