The Queen isn not impressed (unless it's got corgis on it). (Photo: WPA Pool via Getty Images)
Behold, the Queen’s Platinum Jubilee celebrations and a bumper four day weekend are almost upon us. And in classic fashion, food retailers are pulling out all the stops.
Head to your local supermarket (or do any kind of online shopping) and you won’t come up short on Union Jack bunting, Queen-inspired nicknacks, and other Royal paraphernalia.
While some of the offerings look rather tasty (hello, chocolate crown cake!), others are more than a little eyebrow-raising. We’ve even spotted a theme or two.
Below, for your tasting please, we’ve rounded up some of the weirdest and most wonderful Jubilee grub on offer from supermarkets (and other food and beverage purveyors).
1) M&S Ham And Whole Egg Sandwich, £4.25 in store
Why the whole egg? (Photo: M&S)
Who doesn’t want an entire egg in a sandwich? The Queen, probably. Awfully hard to eat in public, surely? This smoked British dry cure ham with egg mayonnaise and a whole soft poached egg is part of M&S’s rather expansive Jubilee range. Be careful not to choke on that yolk, now!
2) M&S Caramel Corgi Mousse Cakes, £6 from Ocado
Yum? (Photo: M&S)
We know Her Maj loves corgis, so prepare to see a kennel’s worth on this list. Naturally, M&S had to get in on the action with these salted caramel mousse cakes, topped with their cute little faces. No, don’t ask us what a mousse cake is. We don’t know either.
3) Tesco Chocolate Biscuit Crown Cake (recipe)
A royal cake (Photo: Tesco)
Yes, the centre of this cake looks like it tastes like any other, but the biscuit bits are Rich Tea – how very British! – and behold, the whole thing has a crown, with gold-coated white chocolate points. The only issue? You’ll have to make it yourself. Tesco just give you the recipe and ingredients. Fancy, but fiddly.
4) Sainsbury’s Union Jack Cupcakes, £5 for 9 online / in store
Red, white and blue (Photo: Sainsbury's)
It’s quite a feat that we’ve made it this far without much red, white and blue making an appearance. But Sainsbury’s has baked up the inevitable batch of Union Jack cupcakes so you don’t have to. Which is just as well as anyone trying to ice some at home is going to need some right Royal hand control.
5) Morrisons Corgi Cake, £6 in store
Fit for royalty (Photo: Morrison's)
Told you there was going to be plenty of corgi fun. Morrisons has also thrown its hat (or dog collar) in the ring with this chocolate covered Swiss roll. FYI, the cake has been named “Clarence” by customers, following a competition on Morrisons Facebook page. Is the whole thing a take on M&S’s Jubilee Colin the Caterpillar (also a corgi)? Probably – but we’ve all been there before.
6) Tesco Jubilee Lemonade Jelly (recipe)
Thanks, Tesco (Photo: Tesco)
Are brands capitalising on the moment and throwing the word Jubilee on any old pudding? Yes. Are we still going to eat the stuff? Also yes. Another DIY job from Tesco but we’re told this layered lemonade and custard jelly lasts three days in the fridge once you’ve made it, so you can “keep the party going.”
7) Asda PG Tips Jubilee Corgi Tea, £3.80 for 240 bags
Ruff, ruff. (Photo: PG Tips)
No, this tea isn’t actually made from Corgis. Phew! But this special edition box of your favourite cuppa is available in a range of stores while stocks last – if you can beat HRH’s team to it. Because we’d hazard a guess this is one novelty Jubilee item to which the Queen herself is probably rather partial.
8) Japan Centre Union Jack Doughnuts, £2.99 each in store
You, doughnuts. (Photo: Japan centre)
Japan Centre, the Japanese food hall, is wonderfully celebrating the Platinum Jubilee with these Union Jack Mochi doughnuts, on sale until Sunday June 5 at all three branches in London (Leicester Square, Ichiba Westfield and Westfield Stratford City). They should probably get a town crier to shout about this one.
9) Beanies Jubilee Cake Coffee, £2.75 per jar
Cake, coffee or both? (Photo: Beanies)
Beanies the coffee seller is offering a limited edition Jubilee Cake flavour coffee – a heady combo of strawberry jam, sweet vanilla sponge and cream filling. Sweet. We’ve not been able to try it yet, but please report back to us if you do.
10) Honeywell Bakes Corgi and Crown Biscuits, £25 a set
Fit for a queen (Photo: Honeywell Bakes)
Wow! There’s biscuits and there’s biscuits! And we have to take our crown off to the folks at Honeywell Bakes, who have launched two new Jubilee-themed ones: a Corgi set (below) and this edible headpiece (above), which can be personalised for a queenly sum. Get your orders in quickly or you’ll miss out.
More of the mutts! (Photo: Honeywell Bakes)
11) Drinks Supermarket Jubilee Colour-Changing Gin, £27.99
Ooh! (Photo: Drinks supermarket)
You’ll need something to wash all these treats down with and, naturally, there are plenty of boozy offerings available. If you fancy this colour-changing spirit (with Union Jack label, of course), you’ll want to be quick as it’s limited edition. It’s sure to impress guests and it’s what the Queen Mum would have wanted.
12) Aldi’s Jubilee Soft Toy Queen, £3.99 in store
Carrot Queen (Photo: Aldi)
Okay, so you can’t eat this one, but we couldn’t finish this list off without a shout out to Aldi’s iconic Kevin the Carrot, dressed up in drag as the Queen!! Snap her up solo, or you can get Queenie, Charles and two corgis for just £15.95.
This article originally appeared on HuffPost UK and has been updated.