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Mourinho has plenty of targets to kick out at Manchester United

There has been chat suggesting that Manchester United will come to regret the appointment of Jose Mourinho, most notably from an ex-ping pong player who seems to alternate between hounding Roman Abramovich, and advocating for mens’ rights. There has also been talk about ‘old United principles’ and how people are upset with the lack of class that Mourinho will supposedly bring. Let’s get the first thing out of the way, then. A club that involved itself with Martin Edwards, the Glazer family, Ryan Giggs, Alex Ferguson, the Rock of Gibraltar and the Bebe transfer should probably already be regarded as a club that has nothing to do with spurious notions of class or dignity. It’s not that Mourinho won’t do something like kick a schoolboy for wearing a Manchester City kit, it’s that this would somehow be considered worse that David Gill, Ferguson and the Glazers teaming up to leverage a billion pounds of debt for their own ends.

Now that the tedious, ignorant grandstanding from self-assured buffoons has been dealt with, we can move on to what Mourinho has to do over the new few days, weeks, months, and perhaps years. There are a lot of people to be put in their place, a lot of deadwood to be culled, and two particular staff members who need to be told with swearwords and contractual terminations that they are no longer needed at Manchester United.

By coincidence, there has been someone leaking to the press over the last couple of days just why Wayne Rooney struggled to score an easy chance against Spurs, about how Rooney’s protestations to Louis van Gaal were so often ignored, and all the problems with Van Gaal. It is just a shame that the name of the leak on the playing staff will never be revealed. Coincidentally, Rooney should be the first player kicked out of the club by Mourinho. It is a truism that each time Mourinho is appointed to a new club, he picks a vulnerable, big-name player to excommunicate to prove his authority. There could be no better target for this than Rooney. A player whose finishing has deserted him, whose always declining fitness means he is never to be relied upon, and who for most of the last three years has been unable to control or pass the ball, the only thing he has left is his big name. As a teacher’s pet for the first year under Van Gaal, and an ineffective captain for players and manager this season, there is absolutely no evidence that he should be retained. Zlatan Ibrahimovic is available in his place, and is a far better person to inspire colleagues through example, not huffing and scowling.

The second is Ryan Giggs. Ever since a story was leaked by someone - it is impossible to say who, again - that Giggs was unhappy with Van Gaal’s decision to send James Wilson out on loan, and with the constant carping from his Class of ‘92 mates that he would be an ideal replacement for Van Gaal, who they were also relentlessly slating when it suited them, it became apparent that he was a fifth columnist. He might have been employed by United, but he was working for himself. That’s not an uncommon trait in most people, and it’s quite understandable, but Mourinho should take the chance to let ‘Ryan’ actually prove his worth by managing at Leyton Orient for a few years. It would be a pragmatic and obviously generous gesture.

The next target should be Ed Woodward. This was a man who left David Moyes assured of the signings of players like Gareth Bale, Cesc Fabregas and others and then forced him into a last-second dash for Marouane Fellaini. Van Gaal was similarly sold a pup with the proposed signings of Sergio Ramos and Pedro, two transfers that Woodward demonstrated further aspects of incompetence over. Obviously these are just highlights of his failure rather than a comprehensive list - the internet can only hold so much data. For too long he has been allowed to dither and serve his own ends. As superficially unpleasant as it was, leaking a story about Mourinho’s appointment so that it could be broken minutes after the FA Cup is handy way of reminding Woodward about who is really in control now. Extend that to transfers, and if Woodward continues to dither over desired targets, and Mendes and Mourinho will make it very obvious to the press about just who is useless. And when it comes to leaks, Woodward might like to consider that weeks ago, scouts were said to be ‘100% sure’ of Mourinho’s arrival already.

Those are the three main targets that Mourinho needs to shoot in the face with a shotgun, metaphorically speaking. But there are others he might keep in his crosshairs. Appointing Roy Keane, Brian Kidd or the Rock of Gibraltar as assistant manager would be a handy way of asserting his authority and putting Ferguson in his place - the museum, not Carrington. Players like Jesse Lingard, Chris Smalling, Daley Blind, Marcos Rojo, Marouane Fellaini, Bastian Schweinsteiger, Michael Carrick, Memphis, Antonio Valencia and others need to know they have months or, at most, a season to save their careers at Old Trafford or they can follow Rooney out the door to MLS.

Mourinho might prove to be an utter disgrace at United, but he won’t be the first manager in the last decade to do so. There are plenty of reasons to think that he might now be sufficiently humbled to adapt himself to the requirements at Old Trafford. But he is the first manager since Ferguson to arrive, to see plenty of things that can be swiftly resolved if he is given the chance. Given his self-confidence and track record of actually being excellent, he stands a better chance of achieving something than anyone else available.