How often do you text your partner?
My parents, after 32 years of marriage, text only to let the other know if the cat has returned from his night-time jaunt. My friends in newer relationships message incessantly – from selfies en route to Tesco to mushy post-11pm declarations of love. My own message quota varies wildly, depending on how bored I am at any given time. A busy day at work equals radio silence; a Sunday on my own means a detailed rundown of my favourite memes of the week.
Recently, Dominic Cummings - in his imitable tell-all-because-I-hate-everyone fashion - has revealed on Twitter that Boris only gave Matt Hancock the shove after a media frenzy – oh, and 89 texts in one hour from his wife Carrie. 89! How does she type so fast? If thumbs were dogs, hers would be whippets.
Surely Boris doesn’t have the time to respond to the messages? Carrie would be lucky to get a thumbs up, winky face emoji in return to her deluge of texts. Or maybe that’s actually what he’s doing with his time. ‘Sorry, Rishi, can’t make that Cobra meeting, just editing my Bitmoji to be wearing the hat that Carrie bought me so she sees it on my WhatsApps.’
More importantly, isn’t it slightly worrying just how needy Carrie seems to be? Texting can massively impact the dynamic of your relationship. From the over-written and highly analysed first messages of a fling to the crushing one-word answers of being ghosted, texts are a window into the status of a relationship. Unfortunately when it comes to Carrie and Boris, there’s a hint of ‘Single White Female’ that puts Carrie in the unenviable position of a slightly desperate (and probably attention-starved) wife, resorting to endless texts as her weapon of choice.
Here’s some advice: if you actually want your partner to listen to you, try an actual, real life conversation that no amount of emojis can replicate. Or just upload a pass-agg Instagram story of you having fun without them – whatever works for you.