‘I never dance, I fear it might be too beautiful’: Jamali Maddix’s honest playlist

The song that is my karaoke go-to

I’ve only done karaoke once. I was in America, in the middle of nowhere, filming a TV show and staying in a really bad hotel, which had a karaoke. I did Sweet Home Alabama, but I only know the hook, so after that it was just mumbling. They loved it, though! It’s weird seeing a large British brown guy singing Sweet Home Alabama in the middle of Oklahoma.

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The song I’ve streamed the most

It’s by Westside Gunn, Freddie Gibbs and Roc Marciano and it’s called $500 Ounces. I knock that out multiple times a day! It’s gangsta rap, which then says: “All right, now that we have accumulated this wealth, how can we invest it?” That’s the vibe I like. That’s how I know I’m older now.

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The best song to play at a party

Candy by Cameo. I’ve never been to a party where they’ve played that and, like, 40 people didn’t jump up and do the dance. I can’t do it, though. I hate dancing – always have. Maybe if I’m on my own and I’m really feeling some music, I’ll nod my head or tap my foot. But I’d never dance. I fear it might be too beautiful.

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The song I want played at my funeral

I’ve thought about this way too much. If I want it a bit uplifting, I’d go for Big Pun’s It’s So Hard, with Donell Jones. But if I want people to cry and go: “Oh shit, he’s dead!”, I might choose the classic Bone Thugs-N-Harmony song, The Crossroads. That or bring the whole funeral down and put Johnny Cash’s Hurt on.

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The song I pretend to hate that I secretly like

Rick Astley, Never Gonna Give You Up. I love that song – I just think that hook is great – but I hate to admit it. I grew up with Napster [the music file-sharing platform] and the song caused me so much pain as a kid. So many times you’d open up your download and it would be a Rickroll.

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The song I tell people is my favourite

[MF Doom alter ego] Viktor Vaughn’s song Can I Watch? I think it’s one of the greatest love songs ever. The story is that it’s all going well and then, just before they do the deed, he says the wrong thing and ruins it. It’s such an honest depiction of 18-year-olds in love, when you’re young, stupid and say the wrong thing. There’s something about that which I find quite beautiful.

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The song that is my actual favourite

Scouting for Girls: This Ain’t a Love Song. I love that song – it’s a banger! I love the hook, I love the fact that he’s saying goodbye, I like the “Ooowwwweeeooo” bit. I keep my love for it low-key, though. I’m open minded about my music but there are limits, man.

Jamali Maddix appears on Never Mind the Buzzcocks on Sky Max and Now.