Yahoo News Never on the first date, lead with a ‘what’, and keep work neutral: the expert’s guide to Brex-iquette
In the upper echelons of girls’ schools, the big question is how to navigate Brexit politely. This week Roedean revealed it has hired professional etiquette coaching company Debrett’s to teach its pupils how to avoid Brexit-induced social snafus — from avoiding arguments to keeping your cool with racist in-laws.
“I like it because it’s as far removed from knowing how to eat your peas properly as you can imagine,” headmaster Oliver Bond has said. “Debrett’s does look at manners but this is a course which develops confidence to express yourself in an increasingly opinionated world.”
But it’s not just teenagers who need some well-timed advice. This is your Brex-iquette guide.
Set the scene
Brexit may supersede party politics but that doesn’t mean talking about it is off-topic at a party. Just treat it with caution, says Rupert Wesson, academy director at Debrett’s. Crucially, don’t open with it. “A chap bounced up to me at a party once and his first question was: ‘Which way did you vote in the referendum?’, which is a good way of closing down a conversation,” says Wesson.
His advice is to talk about it “with trepidation” (judge whether the person you’re talking to is engaged in conversation or talking about it out of politeness) and don’t feel the need to have strong opinions. “The referendum was binary, but the issue doesn’t have to be.”
Beware of office politics
Take extra care at work, says Wesson. Brexit has a natural place in the office because it impacts on business, but that doesn’t mean your colleagues should be obliged to divulge opinions.
“If you raise the subject and people are happy to share their thoughts, that’s fine,” Wesson says. “But don’t back people into a corner by asking how they voted, particularly in an office or if it’s your boss.”
Avoid shows of hands to see how people voted, and be respectful of colleagues’ opinions — unless they’re being racist. “Then you can go running to HR.”
Ask open questions
Always begin “with a genuine spirit of curiosity”, says Wesson. If speaking to an elderly relative you disagree with, “try to uncover not only what they think, but their reasons for thinking what they think” — but don’t use the word “why”. “If you ask people a ‘why’ question you tend to get an opinion or sometimes they’ll interpret your question as a challenge. It’s almost a ‘Why on earth would you think that?’”
Instead, take a gentle approach: “What led you to think like that?”, “What are the key things that have influenced your thinking?” This way you’ll get a more measured answer and you might even be able to win them round to your way of thinking.
More in common
Find common ground before bringing up trade deals. Avoid politics if you’re meeting your new boyfriend’s parents — if you’re forced, “underplay” your opinion — and never talk about Brexit on a first date. “A lot of relationships thrive on political discussion, but not that many,” says Wesson. Don’t put your opinion on your Tinder profile and “get to know the person” before exploring their thoughts — unless you met on a political dating app like Conservatives Only.
Politics can ruin relationships — Michael Sheen and Sarah Silverman split because he wanted to come to the UK to fight Brexit, while she wanted to stay in the US and fight Trump.
Get emotional
Not everyone likes talking about politics, so look for the signs, Wesson suggests.
“If you’re looking for signs that people are either uncomfortable talking about politics and Brexit generally, or they are getting quite hostile to certain opinions, those are the conversations you back off from.”
If they are conveying relaxed body language then you’re on safe territory; if you sense tension, move the conversation on. Ultimately, Brexit is “just one facet of life”, says Wesson. “Your relationship with people is more important.”
