The Apprentice Final Review

The Apprentice Final Review.
The Apprentice Final Review.

After twelve long weeks of flogging fake tan, making champagne uncool and daubing various itemsin Union Jacks it was time for The Apprentice to get serious and let the candidates put their plans to Lord Sugar and his minions.

Consesus suggests that this hasn’t been a vintage year for the show, but there’s been enough business based idiocy to keep us glued to our screens. However there have been obvious flaws this year.

These problems were evident in the final, as we finally saw the candidate’s business plans. Nick seemed to want to make a website that was Occado for imbeciles, Tom had misunderstood when he heard someone say he’d like his pension paid in wine, Jade wanted to open a call centre and Ricky went with recruitment.

The issue was that their business ideas were either daft or utterly predictable. Take Jade’s call centre idea: I’ve no doubt that selling stuff over the phone makes money, but as an idea it’s about as exciting as a lecture on apostrophe use.

Nick’s on the other hand was like something a nine year old aristocrat would come up with after taking a dislike to lasagne; he wanted to create a Facebook for meal ingredients.

Tom's wine hedge fund was the early favourite, mainly because he’s seemed vaguely competent, but  the 23 year old was rumbled when Lord Sugar found out that his dad had written his CV, which was better than Ricky’s apparent decision to let a raving lunatic write his. The pat-time wrestler described himself as Thor, suffice to say he is no Chris Hemsworth.

Jade  decided to ignore money as a concept, but still wanted to open a call centre to annoy everyone by pretending to save people theirs. Only Ricky remained intact from the interview process, despite his CV making him sound like an even more insane version of Vince McMahon.

Bringing joy to precedings were Margaret Mountford and evil Claude. No one can rip apart a CV like these two and it’s a wonder Lord Sugar doesn’t jst give them the £250,000 prize to wander around abusing people about their inadequacies.

Nick was first to be fired, rightly as his business plan had no future unless the entire world became characters from Notting Hill.

Next was Jade as she basically wanted to open an all purpose call centre. As Nick Hewer rightly pointed out, if there’s one thing the world doesn’t need more of it’s people ringing you up selling insurance.

In the end Ricky won, which is no doubt a good decision for Lord Sugar as the world and his wife seems to be in recruitment, however in terms of television it was dull and predictable, despite the fact the person doing it was called Ricky Martin.

Martin winning the series is a good thing as he has exactly the right combination of business nonsense and charm to succeed. One just wishes he wasn’t planning to get into recruitment.

PHOTOS: The Apprentice

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