NI mum says 'world crumbled' as cancer spread through husband's body

What can be the most wonderful time of year for most, can be an incredibly difficult time for so many others and someone who knows this all too well is Charlotte Nicholas.

This Christmas, the 34-year-old, mother of two, is encouraging local people to support Cancer Focus Northern Ireland to help ensure that no family dealing with cancer feels alone this Christmas.

It will be Charlotte’s first Christmas without her husband Gavin, who passed away from stage four secondary melanoma cancer in February 2024 at just 39 years old.

READ MORE: NI mum diagnosed with stage 3 ovarian cancer first thought to be a cyst

The Randalstown native has opened up about Gavin's cancer journey, and said he first attended his GP in December 2021, after a mole on his neck began to feel uncomfortable.

She said: "After attending his GP and having some checks at the hospital, he was diagnosed with a cancerous melanoma. Thinking back, I feel like I was a little naive and wasn’t that worried. I thought he would be fine. He was young and healthy, and he was quickly scheduled for surgery and the mole was removed.

"But 18 months later he began experiencing really bad headaches and after a CT and full body scan, the cancer had spread to his brain and lungs. After receiving the news, everything went into slow motion and my world just crumbled. It was impossible to imagine life without Gavin. There was no chemotherapy or radiotherapy for him.

"The only thing available was a course of drugs to help slow the spread of the cancer, to give Gavin as much time as possible with his girls. The side effects of the drugs meant that he lost his mobility and speech, but even in his worst moments, Gavin never complained. He was so strong and that helped to keep me going."

By December 2023, Gavin’s health had deteriorated, and he spent a lot of the Christmas period in the hospital. He couldn’t enjoy the usual activities with his family, but he did make it down on Christmas morning to see his daughters, Olivia and Lilah, open their Santa presents for the last time. Gavin died at home on the February 11 2024 surrounded by his family.

Charlotte has praised the support she received from local cancer charity, Cancer Focus NI.

She said while Gavin was in hospital, the family was referred to Cancer Focus NI and within a week they were connected with the charity and their Family Support team, which has been "an absolute lifeline" for them.

"When Gavin died, I felt a complete loss of identity, I didn’t know who I was outside of taking care of him," she added.

"Never once did I think that I would be looking into a future without the love of my life by my side. Of course, my family and friends have been there for me and the girls, but having Cancer Focus NI’s support makes such a difference.

"Until you’re in my situation, it’s impossible to understand the value of meeting other families who are dealing with the same difficult reality as you. Cancer Focus NI have helped to remind me that I’m not alone and I’ll get through this period of grief and pain."

Cancer Focus NI support 440 families and children every year who are dealing with the devastating reality of a cancer diagnosis.

Charlotte’s Family Support Worker, Claire Lennon has shared the advice for families who are affected by cancer this Christmas:

Self-care: Christmas is a very emotive time, so don’t forget about yourself as you take care of everyone & everything else. Warning: it’s very easily done so please do give yourself permission to take some time out.

Talk: to your kids and loved ones. How would they like to acknowledge Christmas or not? You may wish to maintain previous traditions or create new ones or perhaps a mix of both. There’s no right or wrong way to do this. It’s a personal decision for each family.

Be kind to yourself: This is a difficult, very emotive time of year. The priority right now is to take care of yourself and those closest. If necessary, try where possible to take one day, or if needs be, one hour at a time.

This Christmas, the local charity is encouraging the local community and businesses to give the gift of Christmas to a family navigating the holiday season who have lost a parent or are preparing to spend their first Christmas without a loved one. Just £60 can pay for one hour of support when a local family is most in need.

To donate to Cancer Focus NI this festive season, or leave a message of hope on their virtual Christmas tree, visit cancerfocusni.org.

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