NI parents' tribute to their precious baby girl born sleeping

A Northern Ireland couple are raising awareness and crucial funds in memory of their daughter who was born sleeping.

Little Lyla Irwin's mummy and daddy have embarked on a mission to honour their baby girl, while ensuring her impact on the world is "forever positive" by helping others.

Carla and Jonathan will be walking the Belfast City Marathon next month - all in Lyla's memory, and to raise money for charities who were invaluable in the hours and weeks after Lyla's passing.

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Speaking about their experience, in the hope that it may help others, Carla and Jonathan, who live in Newtownabbey, said: "Our beautiful daughter Lyla was born sleeping on 27th January 2024. We’ll never get to experience the life we had envisaged from the moment we found out about our little surprise, the best surprise.

"We are fundraising for a cold cot via Abigail’s Footsteps to help support other families who’s babies are born sleeping or pass shortly after birth. Our cold cot was invaluable to us as it gave us the gift of time. Without it we wouldn’t have been able to have cuddles or spend the precious time we did with our beautiful baby girl.

"The second wonderful charity we wish to support is Remember My Baby whose volunteer photographers provide parents with captured memories. Not only did they take some beautiful professional black and white photos, but without the suggestion from the photographer we wouldn’t have taken all those cherished coloured pictures and videos ourselves.

"We are extremely grateful to both these charities for all the precious moments, memories and support they afforded us. We will treasure every memory we made from the short time we had with our baby girl for a lifetime."

Due to the overwhelming success of their fundraiser, the couple has included three more charities who continue to support them after Lyla; Tommy's Baby Charity and SANDS (Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Society) and the LFMNT (Little Forget Me Nots Trust).

The information available and support networks have been invaluable to their decision-making as they try to get through a time of our life that they can't comprehend.

Tommy's is a pregnancy charity working to make the UK the safest place in the world to give birth, supported by people who refuse to accept that a baby's death is just 'one of those things'.

They fund and work towards reducing the rate of baby loss due to lack of research and information around pregnancy issues. Carla says their hope is that this doesn't happen to any family again, but if they can help reduce it or save one more baby and family from this pain, it's a step in the right direction.

"Lyla will forever be a part of trying to save other babies lives," she added.

"SANDS exists to reduce the number of babies dying and to support anyone affected by the death of a baby, before, during or after birth, for as long as they need. Before bereavement midwives existed, years ago this was the only place mothers had to turn for support and acknowledgement of their baby's existence and death.

"Little Forget Me Nots Trust (LFMNT) is a charity that supports parents grieving the loss of a child, including pregnancy loss.

"They use creative tools to help you process life's lowest points through their Just Be Cafes, enabling you to meet other families experiencing child bereavement with no pressure to talk and reducing the anxiety through activities such as embroidery so you can "just be."

"Giving you the option to listen or express your feelings, tell your story in a safe space, and talk openly about your baby. They also raise funds to provide online and in person workshops and programmes to support bereaved parents."

Carla continued: "When our beautiful Lyla was born it was the best day of our lives – the unconditional love and overwhelming happiness from the moment we saw her and held her is the most indescribable feeling. A feeling that only other mummies and daddies who have been lucky enough to experience it will understand. A moment I will think about forever.

"Whilst in the hospital, we were provided with a specialist cold cot for babies who have passed. All cold cots are donated via charities by parents who sadly have had the same experience as us. Lyla’s was donated by another baby via Abigail’s Footsteps.

"Cold cots are invaluable as they enable parents to spend more time creating memories and bonding with their baby than would normally be possible. Without this cot, it would have been impossible for our family and us to spend those absolutely precious seconds, minutes, hours and days with Lyla. Being able to lift Lyla in and out of bed, cuddle her, hold her, touch her and have her sleep beside us at night like every mummy and daddy should.

"Knowing we want give back and support others how we have been supported, I spoke to my community and bereavement midwife about fundraising for a cold cot. Given the Belfast Royal Maternity works alongside The Children’s Hospice, this is where we were directed too.

"Unfortunately, The Children’s Hospice does not currently have a cold cot. They have cuddle cots which are similar but lower standard, limiting the already short amount of time a parent can spend with their baby. I was told parents access the hospice for a range of reasons for example, if they are not ready to return home with their baby, if their baby is born with an extreme illness both expected and unexpected or if they aren’t as fortunate as us to have family support etc.

"It breaks my heart to know other families won’t be as lucky as us to access a cold cot making a tragic situation even more so. Therefore, we will be fundraising to try and provide one for this fantastic facility to help ensure every parent gets to spend as much time as possible creating memories with their little baby."

Carla and Jonathan went on to acknowledge the work of Remember My Baby, who provided a volunteer photographer to take professional photos of Lyla along with photos with her mummy and daddy. This was something the couple say they hadn’t thought about and wouldn’t have thought about in those moments if they weren’t offered it.

Without the support of photographer Anita, Lyla's parents wouldn't have the precious photos they now have of their darling baby girl. Their fundraising will ensure that this incredible service can continue.

Raising over £7,000 so far, through the kindness of their family, friends and strangers who have been touched and inspired by Lyla, the fundraiser has exceeded their first target, meaning the family can purchase a cold cot, in Lyla's name.

A token which means so much to them, Carla and Jonathan want to do more and changed their target to £7,500 so that they can donate a further £1,200 to Remember My Baby and £1,000 to Tommy’s, SANDS and LFMNT.

Speaking to Belfast Live, they said: "We are so proud of our daughter Lyla, we wish we weren't experiencing this, but for such a little person she has made a huge impact on the people and world around her. Our perfect girl made us a mummy and daddy and we are very proud parents.

"Before Lyla we were unaware the charities, we are fundraising for existed. Sadly, for us ignorance is no longer bliss, but knowing first-hand how valuable these charities are we feel compelled to act so we can help ensure others are supported as we have been.

"In particular, neither us, our family or friends had heard of a cold cot before. We are all eternally grateful for the precious time this afforded us with Lyla. However, we find it really sad they aren't available in every hospital and hospice considering there are babies born sleeping or who pass shortly after birth every day in the UK and Ireland. As a family we really struggle to think of another family not being as fortunate as us to access one.

"The other charities have enabled me to form connections with mothers who are going through the same thing. Having this community of woman with shared experiences has been vital for support and advice. These charities have created a safe space where we can express our feelings as we journey through our grief together."

Carla added: "I'm very fortunate to have amazing family and friends who continue to support me. I also had incredible support from Barbara Gergett, who is a Bereavement Midwife. Barbara was the midwife who contacted the hospice on our behalf to direct us on how to provide the cold cot, something we were so desperate to do for our girl so we could make this already horrible situation a little less painful for families going through this.

"We wouldn't have had a clue how to go about this or probably have been able to string a sentence together to explain it over the telephone.

"Other mothers aren't so lucky, so being able to support these charities brings me some comfort."

Please click this link to donate in memory of Lyla Irwin.

For more information on Abigail’s Footsteps click here, or visit this page to learn more about the work of Remember My Baby. You can read about Tommy's Baby Charity here, SANDS here and LFMNT on this link.

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