No phones, no swearing and £3.60 pints - inside Derby's most peculiar pub

Two men wearing monk costumes and face masks hold a wooden sign that reads 'The Abbey'
-Credit: (Image: Reach Publishing Services Limited)


If you break any of the rules at the Abbey in Darley Street, you really don't have much of an excuse. All entrances have a piece of paper pinned to the door, there are signs on the notice board and even the beer mats lay down the law.

To be clear, the key rules are "no mobiles, laptops, tablets or e-readers" and "no swearing - zero tolerance". At this genuinely historic and peculiar Darley Abbey pub, which reopened on Thursday (September 26) after a five-year hiatus, they are taken very seriously. Elusive beer baron Humphrey Smith, the owner of the Samuel Smith's brewery, has been known to shut down his pubs at a moment's notice if he observes rule-breaking.

That is perhaps why everything at the pub was in such fine order when we had a drink on the first day under new tenants. We might not have liked them, but it was the strictest disciplinarian teachers who had the most well-behaved classes at school. Everything was spick and span, which is no easy feat for a building dating back to the 15th century, drinks were served quickly and the £3.60 pints of Taddy Lager were spot-on (card payments are accepted). The white wine, of which the choices were limited to one, was not so great, but that can often be the way with traditional pubs.

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My friend said it was a shame that the Abbey had not reopened during the summer but I can't help but feel that this is an establishment best suited to the winter. As soon as you walk in you are greeted by the smell, and then the warmth, of a roaring fire and the thick stone walls give you that pleasant feeling of being protected from the bitter chill outside.

It was a good turn-out for the reopening night. There were free tables downstairs, but the bar on the ground floor was not open so we had to go upstairs for a drink, where every table was occupied. It wasn't just locals who had come to check it out - punters from across the city had visited to see what all the fuss was about. I think I spotted Cllr Martin Repton too, the man who, with the help of many others, has spearheaded the campaign to get the Abbey open once again. He deserves to enjoy a drink.

At one point we were sitting outside when a gang of around five men dressed in monk outfits and face masks arrived holding a wooden pub sign reading "The Abbey". As soon as I could take a picture (I was outside!), as many of us were doing, they had gone inside the pub and I never saw them again. I understand the monk reference but, otherwise, I am none the wiser as to what that was all about. When I said this pub was peculiar, you can see what I mean. But it did make me chuckle.

The Abbey seen from the outside. It is an historic stone building with orange-yellow lights pointing down from the roof. There is a dark-blue sky above.
The Abbey in Darley Street, Darley Abbey, Derby

Was it hard to stick to the rules? Well, I didn't realise I was such a potty mouth until last night. I caught myself almost swearing on a few occasions and then immediately felt a chill, as if Humphrey was standing behind me and was about to tap me on the shoulder. It would have been a really bad mistake to make considering the high stakes and the owner's capricious moods but I am sure I was not the only one that night.

It also made me remember how much I rely on my phone, even just to check the time as I don't wear a watch. It's sad and I know this, but when I felt a buzz in my pocket I felt frustrated that I couldn't see what it was immediately. On the other hand, I think it improved our level of conversation and I wouldn't be surprised if other drinkers felt the same way. When we found a free table on the upper floor, we realised the previous customer had left her phone on her seat. Was that karma for breaking the rules? Possibly not as we did rush out of the door to find her and return it - so no harm done.

I, for one, am extremely pleased to see this pub open again. If the reopening night is anything to go by, it is being led by a team who take great care and pride in the place. That is exactly what it needs. Now, when you've finished a chilly autumnal walk through Darley Park, you can treat yourself to a cheap pint of beer at the end and get cosy by the fire. Let's just hope with all of our hearts that the brewery's owner doesn't have another mood swing.