Nothing makes sense anymore: They're making Funko Pops out of the cult classic 2004 Obsidian RPG, Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic 2: The Sith Lords

 Knights of the Old Republic 2 Nihilus and Sion Funko Pops.
Knights of the Old Republic 2 Nihilus and Sion Funko Pops.

I try not to be a Funko Pop hater guy⁠. It's always struck me as one of those "edgy" opinions that's actually quite pedestrian⁠—"Oh please, tell me more about which nontraditional picks you actually consider to be Christmas Movies." Most of the time, I endeavor to have no opinion either way on the ubiquitous vinyl tchotchkes. But now it's personal: they brought Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic 2: The Sith Lords into it.

Yes, Gamestop is now offering exclusive Funkos based off RPG powerhouse Obsidian's first game, which is basically Planescape: Torment in space, was made in ~14 months, didn't really have an ending until fans restored one, and remains one of my PC gaming first loves. Why this of all games?

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Knights of the Old Republic 2 Nihilus and Sion Funko Pops
Knights of the Old Republic 2 Nihilus and Sion Funko Pops

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Knights of the Old Republic 2 Nihilus and Sion Funko Pops
Knights of the Old Republic 2 Nihilus and Sion Funko Pops

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Knights of the Old Republic 2 Nihilus and Sion Funko Pops
Knights of the Old Republic 2 Nihilus and Sion Funko Pops

I find myself contemplating these chibi versions of the characters I know so well as if they were a Zen koan, a paradox I was never supposed to understand. Darth Nihilus, once a man, was reduced by powers beyond his ken to a half-dead metaphysical void that seeks to devour all life. Only now he's also a funky little guy whose head is way too big.

And look, there's Darth Sion, a Jedi whose bones were broken and flesh blasted into a craggy grey moonscape by unspeakable torture, his every waking moment a never ending agony sustained only by his limitless rage at the masters who betrayed him. I do gotta say, his one Funko eye being white to reflect the nasty messed up milky one he has is actually a really good bit.

There's no full statue for Kreia/Darth Traya, but you can get a pendant with a little Funko-ized version of KotOR 2's iconic Objectivist gaslight grandma. Forget women's rights, Kreia's all about women's wrongs, spending the whole game lying to everybody and playing off their worst fears⁠—and I love her for that.

The whole kit and kaboodle of strange little guys can be had for $35 at GameStop, with a planned release in July. I'm going to try and go back to not thinking about Funko Pops at all⁠—I would rather think about Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic 2: The Sith Lords⁠—but one thing I do know for sure is that the Sith Triumvirate will not be showing up in the upcoming Funko videogame, Funko Fusion. 10:10 Games does not seem to have this particular license, and the studio's vision of a "world of Funko" will be poorer for it.