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Work party and winter wedding tips, from what to wear to how much to drink

20th Century Fox/Kobal/Shutterstock
20th Century Fox/Kobal/Shutterstock

The holiday seasons are all about spending time with family, enjoying a little too much (hopefully spiked) Eggnog and relaxing - but they can also be stressful, especially when it comes time for holiday parties and winter weddings.

Insider spoke to etiquette expert Myka Meier to find out how to handle uncomfortable questions (you don't have to answer), how much to drink at your colleague cocktail party and what exactly to bring your hostess (surprisingly, the answer isn't a bottle of wine).

What are your etiquette tips for a work party? How long should you go for?

Myka says... "Never arrive early. The best time to arrive is anywhere up to 20 minutes after the start time since it’s a company party. The best networking happens early on so don’t be too fashionably late. It’s important to stay at least until your boss is giving a toast or a thank you. There will always be one big moment - make sure you stay to hear it. If you leave too early, it comes off as maybe you have something better to do and are not seen as a team player. You should always go because it’s a good opportunity to mingle with people outside of work. One big mistake people make is dressing like they’re at work. It’s a chance to be a little more festive and mirror the effort the company puts into hosting the party."

(Getty Images)
(Getty Images)

What’s the polite response to unwelcome questions, whether from colleagues at a holiday party or family?

Myka says... "This is probably one of the biggest issues people have. 'Are you dating anyone? When are you guys going to get married? Have you broken up yet?' Personal questions that you never really want to answer. You can say something very definitive that says, 'Right now I’m not dating anyone but if that changes I’ll be sure to let you know.' Or for 'What happened to that ex?' [something like] 'You know, I’d rather stay in the holiday spirit and not talk about that tonight.' It’s okay to tell someone you don’t want to talk about something. It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. It’s the tone."

What are specific conversational topics to avoid?

Myka says... "There are the normal ones we know, religion and politics. Avoid illness or dietary issues. If someone’s eating the chocolate fondant and someone isn’t I don’t want to know they’re on a diet. Asking too personal questions about family - all of those are things that could result in someone talking about their fertility issues or their divorce. Some other topics I list are vices - if someone doesn't drink or smoke you could make them uncomfortable."

(REX/Shutterstock)
(REX/Shutterstock)

What’s the polite way to extract yourself from an uncomfortable conversation?

Myka says... "If it’s a specific question at a holiday party, I inject a bit of humor so it’s not what you say but how you say it. If someone says, 'What happened with that guy? I thought you guys were hot and heavy and I just saw you broke up?' I might say, 'That would take a year of your time, let’s not do that to you!' I would make something funny of it because I think humor always puts a tense situation at ease."

What’s the appropriate way to tell a host you’re a vegetarian or have another dietary restriction? Should you bring your own dishes?

Myka says... "If it’s a holiday party you RSVP and say yes I'm coming, then you wait a day or so or when your host writes back [to ask about requirements]. If it's an e-vite and they don’t ask if you have dietary restrictions it’s up to you when you RSVP to let them know. Say, 'I’d love to attend but I am allergic to peanuts, so if you’re planning on a dish that has peanuts I’d be absolutely happy to make [an alternative] that I can bring to share with everyone.' It’s not just you sitting at the table eating your own meal, it’s a dish you're sharing. For something formal, because the meals are usually pre-ordered, there’s nothing worse for a host to serve a meal and look across and have someone not eating - you’re doing your host a disservice by not eating so make sure you do let them know."

(20th Century Fox/Kobal/Shutterstock)
(20th Century Fox/Kobal/Shutterstock)

What’s the most appropriate gift to bring a hostess having a holiday party?

Myka says... "The rule is you don’t bring wine to a formal dinner party because the host will have already chosen the wine. Bringing your own means you end up putting pressure on the host to serve it. The thing that you could bring instead would be anything generic if you don’t know the person really well, like a candle or cocktail napkins. I like fun linen cocktail napkins - you can go to Williams and Sonoma and buy tartan or Chanukah napkins and that’s a really great host gift. Anything edible is good too, like chocolate macarons. Someone recently brought me a wreath, which I thought was beautiful."

How many cocktails should you have?

Myka says... "Never feel pressured to drink, even at a holiday party. The trick is to get seltzer water with lime so you blend in. Otherwise, I would stick to the holiday punch or something that’s very festive or you know you can drink. If you’ve never had vodka before you should probably not pick up the candy cane martini being served. You never want to be the last person to leave the Christmas party. If you’re the last person to leave you might be the first person in HR on Monday. Anything you say or do can be held against you the next business day."

(Getty Images)
(Getty Images)

If you have a black-tie event this holiday season, what is appropriate to wear - especially if it’s cold?

Myka says... "I went to a black tie wedding in New York and wore a black dress. Black is absolutely appropriate to wear for any kind of formal attire or black tie dress code, from a cocktail party to a wedding. The actual dress code for black tie is gowns for women and tuxedoes or black tie for men or 'smoking' as they call it across the pond. It’s traditional and shows respect to the dress code. If you’re wearing a floor-length gown you can have an open chest but if it’s a cocktail dress that comes up above your knee you wouldn’t want an open shoulder."

What about boots in the winter?

Myka says... "Boots are inappropriate for men or women - this is a gender-neutral rule for black tie. If you're wearing heels a closed toe is ideal - if it's an open toe then heel height is something to be conscious of. For men, a polished closed toe shoe or velvet loafer is appropriate."

(Universal/Kobal/Shutterstock)
(Universal/Kobal/Shutterstock)

What’s the etiquette for RSVPing no, whether to a holiday party or winter wedding?

Myka says... "You never have to make an excuse, you can just politely decline. Do so as soon as you receive the invitation. What you don’t want to do is wait until the last minute because it looks like you’re waiting for a better invitation, especially around the holidays. I send a little side note thanking the person for inviting me: 'Thank you so much for thinking of me, that was so kind - I’m unable to make the party but you know I’ll be there in good spirit.' For weddings, you still should give a gift even if you’re not attending, it’s your gratitude for being invited."