A Paul McCartney set – and seven other ways to make your office Christmas party a success

So the New England Motor Freight Company in Jersey City, New Jersey, had some entertainment at its festive bash. A singer by the name of Paul McCartney performed. Yes, the Macca, on account of his missus, Nancy Shevell, working there. He serenaded her with a rendition of I Saw Her Standing There, delighting guests, who immediately posted footage online. Here’s a few other tips to make your Christmas office party memorable.

Even if no one in your office is married to an actual Beatle ...

Someone is going to know someone who knows someone who used to be in Hollyoaks. So invite them. Seriously, anyone famous, it will make it amusing. So, for example, if I knew Michael Gove, I would bring him along to do his Stormzy impression. Christmas rapping, tough on grime, he set trends dem man copy … aarrrggh!

Pump up the budget

Yeah, none of this lean times, £20-a-head nonsense. Push the boat out. Like Bloomberg, whose Christmas party in 2000 was reported to have cost £1m and was themed on the seven deadly sins, complete with rooms for gluttony and lust. Or like Blackstone founder Steve Schwarzman who, in 2010, rented out the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York, and served mini salted-caramel ice-cream cones among priceless Egyptian relics.

Combine the office party with a blind date

Like David Brent in The Office, remember? And, improbably, it kind of worked. He and Carol hit it off, though then Chris Finch went and spoiled it by being horrible about her. It certainly worked as television – it was one of the most memorable, moving TV moments of the 00s. Although that had more to do with Dawn and Tim than with Ricky Gervais’s character.

Hang the mistletoe

In the photocopying room obviously, traditionally the place for love at Christmas. Should you go there? Absolutely. It is – as I said – traditional. With the boss, the boss’s husband, the intern, Tony from security, anyone. Sure you will probably lose your job, but hey, it’s nearly 2020, a job is just for Christmas, not for life.

Top up the toner

Another lovely Christmas tradition. But if you are going to risk your job by photocopying your arse, you want more than a blank piece of A4 for a memento right? The website the Register recommends you don’t, mainly for health and safety reasons. Boring.

Definitely don’t go too far, though

In 2013, a riotous Christmas party at the Honduran embassy in Bogata, Colombia, involved extreme drunkenness and wild behaviour. Someone even defecated in the ambassador’s office. Ambassador, that’s not spoiling anyone, it’s just disgusting.

Most importantly: get a pay rise

Ask for one anyway. They’re drunk, you’re drunk. What have you got to lose? Well, apart from your job.