A while ago, I wrote a post where members of the BuzzFeed Community shared the most idiotic things their exes had said. And a lot more people had their own stories to share in the comments, so here are some of the funniest and dumbest things people's exes once said:
1."Once at a Mexican restaurant, my boyfriend asked why I got 'fajita ingredients' when I didn't get a fajita. It was a side salad."
2."My favorite dumb thing my husband said (when I was pregnant) is that he thought babies don't wear diapers when they sleep. After laughing for a bit, I told him they still pee and poo in their sleep. He said he knew that, but he thought they wore a special nightgown or something in their sleep instead. I think he thought that's what sleep sacks were for."
3."My ex would only drink whole milk because when he saw 2% milk, he thought, What’s the other 98%? He thought he was a genius."
4."I once dated this guy who said, 'Leonardo DiCaprio, talk about a one-hit wonder!' What?"
5."My boyfriend once asked me what day of the week Thanksgiving was on this year, and I said 'The date?' And he clarified, 'No, like is it a Wednesday?' We live in America where it is always on a Thursday."
6."My 40-something ex thought that eggs would hatch if you left them out on the counter."
7."My ex didn’t know what the word 'famine' meant and thought it was an east London colloquialism. Needless to say this signalled the beginning of the end for us."
8."My ex asked me, 'What kind of animal is Mickey Mouse?' I just kept saying back, 'Say that again…slower.'"
9."My ex once asked me what my favorite musical was and I told it was Les Mis. He proceeded to ask me what it was about, and I said it centers around the Paris Uprising which came after the French Revolution, to which he replied, 'What’s the French Revolution?' I mean, where do you even start with that one?"
10."I had an ex who asked, 'How many halves are in a whole?' When my answer was 'I'm sorry, what?' He clarified for me, 'Like if a whole pizza has this many calories, how many would be in a half pizza?' He was a cook by the way."
11."My ex-husband didn't know you had to have a checking account, with money in it, and a credit or debit card to withdraw money from an ATM. He also pronounced ATM like 'Adam.'"
12."He thought cutting the umbilical cord determined penis length. He legit thought it was the doctor's fault for cutting it 'too short' if a man had a smaller penis and didn't realize the cord was what caused people to have belly buttons. He didn't think girls had an umbilical cord to cut at all when they were born."
13."My best friend had a boyfriend one time who refused to drink water because he said it was unhealthy and caused cancer. His solution was that he only drank soda or diet soda. All day every day."
14."They were curious about the amount of fat in water."
15."My ex broke several coffee cups trying to reheat her coffee on the electric stovetop. We had a microwave. Why she tried to use the stove, I don’t know. Why she continued to try it after the first one broke, I don’t know. She had a master's degree. I finally bought her a plug-in coffee cup warmer, and she loved it."
16."I dated a guy once and my mom invited him over for Easter dinner. He asked, 'What day of the week is Easter this year?' My mom almost passed out. We broke up pretty soon after that."
17."He got dicey fajitas from Chili's, got food poisoning, and then ate the leftovers."
18."He told me that Adam and Eve were historical figures and dinosaurs were a myth. He also thought he was allergic to his own sperm."
19."She thought that rust was one of the chemical elements. You know like: oxygen, neon, silver, uranium, rust."
20."I dated a girl in high school, and she was generally very bright. We were at the mall one day, looking at one of those big maps of the mall directory. She asked me how the map knew where we were standing. Dumbfounded, I asked her to clarify. She pointed at the star on the map that said, 'You are here,' and asked how the map knew. I explained that the map was where we were standing, and we were reading it. After 10 minutes of trying to explain, she still didn't get it."
21."I dated a guy who thought I cheated on him and got an STI because I mentioned that I had a UTI. I then had to spend 20 minutes explaining what a UTI was and how anyone could get it regardless of gender."
22."I was planning a trip to Los Cabos in Mexico with my ex-husband (when we were married). My then-husband asked if I knew how to speak Mexican in addition to Spanish. I looked at him like 'Did you really just say that?' Here is a guy who is incredibly smart, runs a hedge fund, and has an MBA from a top business school and he honestly thought in Mexico they spoke Mexican. I was dumbfounded."
23."I once dated someone who would not accept that people are animals. She kept saying, 'We're people! Not animals! How can we be both?!' She couldn't understand how we could possibly fall into more than one category."
24."I once told a guy I was dating he needed more humility, and he literally responded with 'Why would I want to be humiliated?'"
25."It was years ago, when the Harry Potter movies were in theaters. We were looking at a book shop and they said, 'Hey, the Harry Potter movies are so successful that they made books.' I had to explain that it was the other way round."