Pinocchio and the two Democrats: how that Trump meeting descended into farce

It seemed to start on cordial terms, a brave new world of bipartisan dialogue on the great issues of the day, less than a week after the funeral of George HW Bush.

Just kidding.

It only took a few minutes for Donald Trump’s Oval Office meeting with the top Democrats Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer on Tuesday to descend into the equivalent of a custard pie fight from a Laurel and Hardy comedy.

And silently watching the bizarre, acrimonious scene was Vice-President Mike Pence. Seldom has anyone tried so actively – and successfully – to appear a passive blank space.

With TV cameras rolling, Trump began with a monologue that riffed on the importance of border security and building a wall along the border with Mexico.

“I think the American people recognise that we must keep government open, that a shutdown is not worth anything,” said Pelosi, the House minority leader, as Trump nodded. “And that we should not have a Trump shutdown.”

The president leaned in. “A what? Did you say a Trump – ?”

He turned and muttered to Schumer. The first pie had been thrown and the formality of a photo op had been dropped. Pelosi and Trump began to spar over who has the votes.

Perched on a sofa, Pelosi interjected: “I don’t think we should have a debate in front of the press.” She had forgotten that her opponent is running a reality TV presidency that thrives on conflict and drama.

As they continued to bicker over whether to put a vote on the wall to the House and Senate, Trump claimed improbably: “We’re doing this in a very friendly manner.” Pelosi managed to grin and grimace simultaneously.

Pence maintained his silence.

Increasingly irate, Trump insisted: “Nancy, Nancy, we need border security. It’s very simple. We need border security. People are pouring into our country, including terrorists … Chuck, did you want to say something?”

Was Schumer going to calm everyone down? He was not. “The Washington Post today was going to give you four Pinocchios because they say you constantly misstate how much of the wall is built.”

It was a red rag to a bull. Trump muttered, “Washington Post!” and gave a cynical chuckle.

As tempers frayed, Schumer pressed on, saying there was a proposal on the table that Republicans and Democrats would support. It was a rude awakening for Trump, who since the presidential debates of 2016 has been surrounded by loyalists and praise singers who seldom challenge him.

Waving his hands, the president said: “We need border security. I think we all agree that we need border security?” Schumer agreed.

Trump addressed the cameras: “See, we get along!” Call for Pinocchio.

That might have been the end but then reporters asked questions. Trump claimed: “You can’t have very good border security without the wall.” Pelosi interrupted: “That is not true.” Schumer interrupted her to say a wall is wasteful and doesn’t solve the problem. Trump interrupted him to say it does. Pelosi observed: “Unfortunately, this has spiralled downward.”

And so it spiralled. Pelosi noted the Republicans lost the House. Trump boasted that they won the Senate. Schumer commented slyly: “When the president brags that he won North Dakota and Indiana, he’s in real trouble.”

Pelosi came up with a revolutionary idea: “an evidence-based conversation”. But just as she appeared to be cooling the temperature, Schumer and Trump traded verbal blows like New Yorkers rowing over a taxi.

It pushed Trump to say something he – or Republicans – may regret: “I am proud to shut down the government for border security, Chuck, because the people of this country don’t want criminals and people that have lots of problems and drugs pouring into our country. So I will take the mantle. I will be the one to shut it down. I’m not going to blame you for it.”

Finally, it was over. Pence remained motionless. But a strange, beatific smile played on his lips. Until that moment the bust of Winston Churchill, glowering over Trump’s shoulder, had been much more expressive than the vice-president.

Pelosi, however, let the world know exactly what she thought. Later she let off steam to Democratic colleagues on Capitol Hill. According to an aide in the room interviewed by the Associated Press, Pelosi said: “It’s like a manhood thing for him. As if manhood could ever be associated with him. This wall thing.”

The likely future speaker added: “It goes to show you: you get into a tickle contest with a skunk, you get tinkle all over you.”