Russian cows get virtual-reality glasses to help them ward off winter blues

Around this time of year, life in Russia swings from one extreme to the other: from sunshine to snow; green to grey; apricots to atrophied apples.

The adjustment can cause emotional strain and illnesses in the best of us. But it’s not, apparently, only the humans who suffer.

According to veterinary experts, the country’s 20 million-strong bovine population is particularly susceptible to a bout of the winter blues.

Luckily, scientists now believe they have a solution to their Russian winter problem in the form of virtual-reality glasses.

The exact design of the prototype kit is top secret. But some details have already leaked. According local media, the wrap-around glasses boast a “unique form” that has been adapted to the cow’s anatomical structure.

They draw on experimental data that shows cows are better at processing red than they are blues and greens. As a result the movie showreels tend to focus on grass – the lovely, green, summer, meadowy sort.

A farm in northwest Moscow has already begun testing the prototypes with positive results.

Almost universally, its cows have become calmer, with improved mood. Researchers say they will continue to monitor the effects on overall milk production.

In a statement published on Monday, the Moscow region’s agricultural authorities said its milk farmers were drawing on the “best of international practice” in a bid to improve the wellbeing of their cattle. Farms are also installing audio equipment to play calming classical music, the department noted.

Bovine music therapy is not a particularly new technology in Russia. In 2013, a farm in Krasnoyarsk, Siberia, reported what it considered to be the ideal audio protocol. The regime it settled on was the following: Tchaikovsky while grazing; Mozart while sleeping; and 1980s pop or contemporary instrumental while milking.

Such technological solutions lie at the heart of Russia’s push to become an international agricultural powerhouse. Already the country can boast of considerable success in turning around the historically languid sector. Agricultural exports are now more valuable to Russia in budget terms than arms sales.

But for social media’s more acerbic tongues, the bovine VR intervention had obvious parallels to how the country’s leadership preferred to deal with its citizens.

“Anyone who complains about Russian reality will soon be obliged to wear VR glasses,” one user wrote. “The screen will be broadcasting state TV news.”