She asked an innocent question about a saucepan. Nothing was ever the same

-Credit: (Image: Ged Daley)
-Credit: (Image: Ged Daley)


It started with a saucepan. Cathy Daly was in the kitchen when she asked her husband Ged where she could find it. The pan had been in the same cupboard for 23 years.

“I just knew,” Ged said. “I knew something was very wrong. I remember crying. I would never let her see, but I was devastated."

It was March 2019 when Ged instantly recognised Cathy’s first sign of young-onset dementia.

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Ged, from the Chadderton area of Oldham, decided to take Cathy to a doctor following a concerning incident a few months later. Cathy had become lost and confused while walking through the hallway of a holiday home.

The couple, who have been married for nearly 30 years, visited their GP practice twice but were told to return a few months later.

Cathy, a former Co-op manager, was eventually referred to the memory clinic where she underwent a series of memory tests. By the time she was referred for an MRI scan, the Covid pandemic hit.

Cathy finally had her scan in September 2020 which revealed devastating results. At the age of 63, Cathy had young-onset dementia.

The condition, also known as early-onset dementia, sees a person develop dementia before the age of 65. It’s estimated there are more than 70,800 people in the UK living with young-onset dementia.

Cathy and Ged in happy times -Credit:Ged Daley
Cathy and Ged in happy times -Credit:Ged Daley

Ged, who works for the Department of Work and Pensions, can recall the moment he was given the news. “I had to take the phone call because she was denying everything,” he said. “She still denies it now.

“They told me the outcome but I just knew anyway because of things that were happening. It wasn’t a great shock to me. It was hard for her as she had watched her dad go through dementia.”

Ged says Cathy’s condition has worsened in recent times. The 67-year-old often asks to visit her childhood home despite her parents being deceased for many decades.

“She is very bad now,” Ged added. “She doesn’t know who anyone is by name, only by sight can she recognise people, but she still doesn’t know who they are in relation to her.

“In the last year, things have got a lot worse. The other morning, she woke up and shouted for me and when I went in, she had a real look of fear on her face because she is so confused.

“Even asking her to do simple things when I’m dressing her, like ‘Pull up your trousers’, she doesn’t understand, which is very upsetting. She does have some periods when she is like herself, but it varies from day to day. You have to just go with the flow.

“Most days we pass where her mum and dad lived and they died decades ago yet she says, ‘I want to go and see my mum,’ you have to develop distraction tactics so she doesn’t notice we are passing the house.”

Ged says he is unable to leave his beloved wife alone even for short periods, as she quickly becomes upset and confused.

The couple have been together for decades -Credit:Ged Daley
The couple have been together for decades -Credit:Ged Daley

“We went to Cardiff and stayed in a lovely hotel which had a golf course,” he added. “I’m a keen golfer but knew it wouldn’t be possible to leave Cathy and play, so instead I went to the hotel’s driving range.

“I thought Cathy was able to see me on the driving range from inside the hotel’s bar but there was some confusion and I must have been out of her sight. She got very upset and was screaming and crying and the hotel guests were saying, ‘Does anyone know this woman?’

“When you’re caring for someone with dementia, you’re learning lessons all the time and you realise you can’t leave them on their own. Now I always use a disabled toilet so I can go in with Cathy.”

Despite Cathy’s dementia, Ged says the couple try to enjoy life as much as possible, often going to musical events, holidays and meals out together.

“I’ve said from the start that it’s not going to stop us until it stops us,” he said. “We go to ‘Relax Concerts’ at the Hallé Orchestra in Manchester as well as a singing and music event at a local hospice which is fantastic.

“Everything is in the moment and Cathy loves it. Yet when we get back in the car and I say to her ‘Did you enjoy that love?’ she’ll say, ‘Enjoy what?’”

Ged says he’s been fortunate to have good support from his employer, who have enabled him to adapt his working hours, as well as from dementia support groups.

“I’ve found excellent support from charities such as the Alzheimer’s Society and local groups, especially Dr Kershaw’s Hospice,” he said.

“The carers’ charity Together in Dementia Everyday has also been another real support – to get advice from other carers in similar situations has been invaluable.

“I go to their Male Carers Group and Young Onset Group every month and it’s a real help to have a safe space where I can unload some of my worries and know there will be someone there to offer a sympathetic ear and some friendly advice.”

Despite the impact caring for Cathy has had on his life, Ged says it’s his love for her that keeps him going through the difficult times.

“The thing is, I love her and I am so blessed to have her,” he said. She’s been a wonderful wife through all the time we’ve been married.

“She was so beautiful when she was younger – like Audrey Hepburn. We were like Beauty and the Beast. She really is the love of my life, my Cathy.”

To find out more about dementia, go to www.letstalkdementia.co.uk.