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Stop fretting, working mums: a learned man says it’s OK

Legs belonging to woman at work, and men in same workplace
‘Plenty of people have a dim view of working mothers here in 2018 – despite societal shifts over time, despite all the progress we’ve made for gender equality.’ Photograph: Philip Toscano/PA

“Women work – but should they?” It’s a tough one. I mean, it must be, considering how variations of the question endure. This generation asks it, as did the one before it, and the one before that. Did the first consciousness, alone out there in the universe, find itself wondering “… but what about the children”?

We’re at a time here on Earth (or at least the UK) where more women than ever are in paid work. The Office for National Statistics puts it at 71% of women aged between 16 and 64 – many of those are mothers at the same time. Would the first consciousness approve of so many women with children working? We’ll never know, but plenty of people take a dim view of working mothers here in 2018 – despite societal shifts over time, despite all the progress we’ve made for gender equality. If you aren’t a working mother, ask one you know about this – they’ll probably be able to give you a fair few anecdotes.

If you want more proof, a survey carried out by British Social Attitudes last year found that only 7% of those interviewed thought mothers of under-fives should have full-time jobs. Part-time work for mums? OK with 38%, but one in three thought mums with children under five should stay at home. And that’s despite 72% disagreeing with the view that staying at home is a woman’s job and men should be the breadwinners. So, to summarise – there are more than a few people out there who believe that, sure, it’s not a woman’s job to not have a job … but they still shouldn’t have a job. This woman right here is grateful that it’s not her job to explain the doublethink there.

That contradiction won’t be surprising for mothers who still face a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” scenario for almost all aspects of parenthood. Breastfeed your child – just not in public. It’s fine to have your baby sleep in the bed with you, but that makes you reckless – a baby should have its own crib. You don’t work? You’re making yourself financially dependent on someone else (if you have a “someone else”, that is) and letting your job skills deteriorate – that’s lazy. Oh, you went out to work? You deprived your child of the care it needed. If while reading this you’re asking yourself: but what about fathers? What about male care-givers? The answer many mothers would probably yell at you now is: exactly.

The fact that “What about the kids?” is still largely a question for mums is a sign that something isn’t right.

Apparently, dads are irrelevant. That’s how it would appear, considering where the questions about who shouldn’t be leaving the kids to go to work are directed. The idea that care-giving just isn’t really part of the gig for a man endures to the point that men often aren’t even included as part of the equation. No matter how progressive we may think we are as a society regarding gender roles, the fact that “what about the kids?” is still largely a question for mums is a sign that something isn’t right.

Not everyone who asks is a chauvinist. Sometimes the question is posed in scientific studies by academics. Going beyond “women are just good with kids, it’s biology” – there’s “Early Maternal Employment and Children’s Vocabulary and Inductive Reasoning Ability: A Dynamic Approach” by Michael Kühhirt from the University of Cologne and Markus Klein of University of Strathclyde. The need for actual studies on whether a mum working has a negative impact on the cognitive development of her children may seem horrifying, but doesn’t it make sense? Women’s voices talking about lived experience hasn’t been enough to answer “Women with kids work – but should they?”. An empirical study carried out by learned men, though? That will do it. That usually does.

When it comes to the cognitive measures under study here, we found no evidence of harmful effects on the children of working mothers,” says Kühhirt. “Exactly,” say the working mothers I know. It’s nice to have facts and figures to back up assertions. It shuts down those who don’t listen to women. But printing out the study and carrying it around to point at shouldn’t be necessary. If an academic study is what it takes for you to take on the idea that yes, it is OK for mothers to work, ask yourself why that is – why working mothers themselves saying this, over and over again, wasn’t enough?

• Phoebe-Jane Boyd is a freelance journalist who writes on politics and pop culture