Succession recap: the finale – probably the most feel-bad ending in TV history

Spoiler alert: this recap is for people watching Succession season four. Don’t read on unless you’ve watched the finale, episode 10.

“Carpe the diem, people.” As the curtain came down on the sweary super-rich saga, the sibs self-sabotaged one last time. Here’s your board report on the feature-length finale, titled With Open Eyes …

Related: Succession finale review – a perfect, terrible goodbye

Early bird catches the Rome

The Roy siblings were scattered. With regulatory concerns about GoJo’s takeover of Waystar receding, Kendall (Jeremy Strong) scrambled to gather support to stop the sale at board level. Meanwhile, sister Shiv (Sarah Snook) schemed for the other side. Behind her back, though, barefoot tech bro Lukas Matsson (Alexander Skarsgård) was sounding out candidates for the US CEO position she assumed was hers. A magazine cartoon of Shiv pulling his strings didn’t help.

That only left Roman (Kieran Culkin), physically and emotionally bruised after imploding at their father’s funeral. Would he even turn up for the vote? Via double agent Greg (Nicholas Braun) and various “ratfuckers”, Kendall got wind that Roman was licking his wounds in Barbados – where their mother, Lady Caroline Collingwood (Harriet Walter), had invited them for a “Caribbean air-clear”. Kendall told his replacement PA, AKA “New Jess”, that he was flying down.

Little did he know that Shiv was a few hours ahead, hoping to lure Roman over for “unanimity across the board”. From the PJ, she called estranged husband Tom Wambsgans (Matthew Macfadyen), who was terrified of getting shit-canned by the new regime. She assured him she’d “do her best” before floating the idea of a marital reconciliation. Tom sat on the fence, leaving Shiv a blend of heartbreak and fury. Sarah Snook deserves an Emmy for her eye-work alone this season.

Putting the barbs into Barbados

In tropical paradise, Lady Caroline looked after the “fragile” Roman the best way she knew how – by delegating it all to her husband Peter Munion (Pip Torrens). Kendall arrived, shouting about the deal pivoting on Roman’s vote. In contrast to Ken’s stress, Shiv was smug. “I won,” she gloated. “Take it like a man and eat it.”

Back in Manhattan, Tom had his third “vibe-hang” with Matsson (“more hanging than a dictator’s birthday”). Fearing he was failing the audition, Tom took out his frustrations on whipping boy Greg. Even if he hung on to his job, his $200k salary (“the highest-paid assistant in human history”) would be decimated. Matsson suddenly levelled with Tom. Shiv was too pushy, too smart and their sexual chemistry was distracting. Misogynistic, much? He offered the US CEO gig to Tom, reasoning: “Why don’t I get the guy who put the baby inside her, instead of the baby lady?” He needed a “pain sponge” who could shield him from blowback and Tom had a high punishment threshold.

As they celebrated with vodka shots, Greg slyly used an app to translate their Swedish chat about binning Shiv and fed the intel back to Kendall. It was the silver bullet he needed. Saving his siblings from an excruciating dinnertime pitch by Munion’s friend Jonathan – who’d flown in from tax exile in Monaco – Kendall said Matsson was interviewing alternative CEOs. When disbelieving Shiv confirmed that her name had been deleted from the draft deal announcement, there was an off-camera cry of “motherfucker!”. Matsson had “played her like a pregnant cello” … but now it was game on.

To kill or crown the king?

With Shiv back, the siblings formed a powerful voting bloc. They needed to present a coherent plan to the board, including a credible leader. Not “a troika, a trio”, not “the incredible fuck brother bandwagon”, not “a cop-out at the fudge factory”. Kendall was the obvious choice – partly because Logan “sat me down in the Candy Kitchen in Bridgehampton when I was seven” and said he was heir. There’s an image to conjure with.

Roman insisted that Logan had said it to him most recently. “He offered it to me too,” piped up Shiv. It was playground squabbling but gradually logic prevailed. Roman didn’t really want it. Shiv had been working for the other side. As Kendall said: “If we wanna hold on to this company, it’s me.” They’d rule over separate fiefdoms: Shiv could change the world with the news division, Roman could disrupt with social media. As they anointed Kendall king, Roman said: “It’s haunted, cursed and nothing will ever go right but enjoy your bauble.”

There followed one of Succession’s happiest ever family scenes as the siblings horsed around. They impersonated Kendall and joked about murdering him. They mixed “a meal for a king” from random kitchen ingredients, made him down the blended goop, then tipped it over his head. Mocking Peter’s “special cheese” and “frozen nobbies”, they were scolded by their mother for being noisy. Their naughtiness was endearing, but next morning it was back to business.

The Antiques Shitshow

Just time for a stop-off at “the Great Reallocation”. At Logan’s apartment, new owner Connor (Alan Ruck) presided over a “sticker perambulation circuit” to claim heirlooms. Con was set to relocate to Slovenia, while aspiring playwright wife Willa (Justine Lupe) stayed off-Broadway. When Shiv faux-casually mentioned that ongoing court cases over the Wisconsin result meant that crypto-fascist Jeryd Mencken might not win power and Con’s ambassadorship wouldn’t happen, Willa was crestfallen. She’d clearly fancied a long-distance relationship.

Cue another warm family scene as they sat down to watch a home video. Scene-stealing from beyond the grave, Logan did his party piece: reciting “the loser’s list” of failed presidential candidates. Gerri (J Smith Cameron) performed a lewd limerick. Karl (David Rasche) crooned Robert Burns’ Green Grow the Rashes. As Logan joined in and Kerry (Zoë Winters) rested her head on his shoulder, the siblings welled up. Their unity wouldn’t last long.

Tom admitted to Shiv that the CEO was going to be him instead. Betrayed by her husband once again, she was newly galvanised to tank the deal. Tom berated Greg for his treachery and the Disgusting Brothers had the worst on-screen fight since Colin Firth v Hugh Grant in Bridget Jones’s Diary. He told Matsson they had a “big fucking problem”. “Wake up, zombies,” bawled Matsson at his team. “Time to activate.” Boardroom battle loomed.

‘The losers never triumph’

As the sibs swaggered into Waystar HQ, it was all systems go. Chairperson Frank (Peter Friedman) ran around “like his testicles were on fire”. PR chief Karolina (Dagmara Domińczyk) hailed it as a “chance to change the culture”, which happened to include sacking her boss Hugo (Fisher Stevens). “Activist backtivist” Stewy (Arian Moayed) was on-side. But it was the siblings who wobbled.

Rattled by the sight of Gerri, Roman became tearful that it could have been him but he’d “pussied out”. Kendall clutched him in such a tight bear-hug that Romey’s forehead stitches popped. If it was a power move, he was cowed for now. Come the vote, it was Shiv’s turn. With the count tied at 6-6, she had the casting decision but dramatically stormed out. Just when we thought we might get a happy-ish ending, sibling rivalry reared its head. “I don’t think you’d be good at this,” she told Kendall coldly. “I love you but I can’t fucking stomach you.” She wanted the job, didn’t want him to have it, but also knew he wasn’t capable.

As he pleaded, Pinkie dropped her bombshell: “You can’t be CEO because you killed someone.” Chekhov’s dead waiter had to be brandished some time. Deep in denial, Kendall feebly claimed the Chappaquiddick-echoing car crash never happened. “I’m the eldest boy!” he declared pathetically. Now Roman turned too, taunting Kendall that he wasn’t “the bloodline” because he wasn’t the biological father of his children. The fight turned physical in full view of their colleagues. They really weren’t serious people. The vote went 7-6 against the Roys. Desolate Kendall departed. He’d sat in his father’s chair for all of an hour. Nobody does a haunted corridor walk like Jeremy Strong.

Jubilant in his polo neck of power, Matsson arrived for a deal-signing photo op, Tom in tow to survey his new fiefdom. Golden parachutes beckoned for Karl and Frank but he’d bring back Gerri. What of quad squadder Greg Sprinkles? Emperor Nero couldn’t be without his Sporus. He stuck a sticker on the leggy princeling’s forehead, signalling ownership.

The final fuck-off

A flip-flopping, feel-bad ending but a masterly one. True to form, the scions were their own worst enemy, backstabbing each other and handing power to an outsider. Roman had asked Shiv in Barbados, “Who do you think Dad actually wanted to give it to?” “I don’t think any of us,” she’d replied. He got his wish.

Roman sat alone at a bar, sipping a martini and smiling ruefully. Realising he was better off out, it hinted at a return to his dissolute party lifestyle. Tom rode home with Shiv, proffering his hand like an alpha monarch. As she half-heartedly took it, the power balance in their toxic marriage had tilted. “Firecrotch and Normcore” were back. For now.

Finally, crumpled Kendall walked through a park, bodyguard Colin (Scott Nicholson) hovering behind as he had with Logan. As he gazed out at the choppy, slate-grey Hudson river – water has long been an ominous motif for Kendall – his desperate words to Shiv echoed: “If I don’t get to do this, I might die.” He wasn’t underlined, he was crossed out. A psychic death, if not yet a physical one. Is that a tear in your eye or bodega wasabi?

The heir apparent

Tom-Wam wins. Proof that it’s sometimes the “interchangeable empty suits” who rise to the top. A depressingly realistic resolution. Bring on the insincere handshakes and biodynamic bubbly.

Line of the week

Amid the Shakespearean tragedy and dynastic dysfunction, a light moment was Shiv’s comeback to Roman’s talk of late-night paternal promises: “Hmm, persuasive. What else did he say when no one was around? That he was the Zodiac Killer? That he did Tupac?” Pics or it didn’t happen indeed.

Notes and observations

• All three previous series finale titles – Nobody Is Ever Missing, This Is Not for Tears, All the Bells Say - are lines from John Berryman’s poem Dream Song 29. With Open Eyes completes the set.

• Lots of Anglophile touches in Jesse Armstrong’s farewell script, from Branston Pickle to Black Lace’s Agadoo, Pink Floyd pooing in swimming pools, to the siblings’ Dick Van Dyke accents.

• Lots of knowing callbacks too. Lawrence Yee resurfaced from the Vaulter storyline. Shiv spat in Kendall’s drink, as she did his notebook. Kendall even called, “Oh Romey, where are you?” in an echo of his season-opening line.

• A closing caption read “In loving memory of Ellen Tam”, the show’s late and much-loved assistant editor.

• On the wrap day for Alan Ruck and Justine Lupe, his sign-off speech included “the Roy family toast”: “Here’s to you, and here’s to me/The best of friends we’ll always be/But if someday we disagree/Fuck off.”

Thanks for your witty company, Roy-alists. I’ll miss you almost as much as I’ll miss the virtuoso swearing. For one last time, please leave your thoughts, theories and farewells below.