Will the Sussexes be immersed in a celebrity world or royal one? It's impossible to choose both

The Duke and Duchess of Sussex are approaching a significant crossroads in their married life. While their own relationship seems hunky-dory, the type of royal role they want to pursue appears increasingly confused: dutiful public servants or globe-trotting celebrity A-listers?

Just over a year ago, Prince Harry invited me to Kensington Palace for a chat following the 15 months I spent accompanying him on his royal engagements. He explained in detail the difference between being royal and being famous, and the sense of responsibility he felt toward helping his grandmother, the Queen.  

“If you’re born into [the Royal family], as we were [he also spoke for Prince William], I think it’s normal to feel as though you don’t really want it,” he said – a totally different feeling from those who had sought fame.

“They have a natural talent,” he explained. “We don’t.” And he knew exactly where he stood. “We don’t want to be just a bunch of celebrities but instead use our role for good. It’s a narrow line between the two, but I am not going to cross it and go down the celebrity route.”

At the time he was dating Meghan, then TV royalty in the American series Suits, but they weren’t yet engaged. Many people may feel that this month’s private-jet-setting – four flights in 11 days on private planes, while the Cambridges, who are further up the royal ladder, took their brood on a budget airline – has rather crossed that celebrity line.

Many people change their views and habits once they find the person they want to marry, not least when they come from such different worlds. Having got through the first year of married life (often the most difficult) and become parents (an equally steep learning curve) the Sussexes have patently bonded to become one cohesive unit. Sorting out what sort of royals they want to be is harder, but needs to be next.

Harry has always been a royal rebel. He told me several times that he wants to be “ordinary” and how he has hated being stuck in the “goldfish bowl” of royal life. Meghan, on the other hand, is self-made and rather more comfortable in the spotlight, having spent her career in designer frocks on red carpets, accruing celebrity friends who have been quick to spring to her defence at the behest of her American PR.

Of course, every royal has a slightly different view of their duties, an approach that extends from those who are content to be in the background and get on with the job without applause, to those who enjoy the position entirely on their own terms.

The former is perhaps exemplified by Edward and Sophie, Earl and Countess of Wessex, who recently celebrated their 20th wedding anniversary. Yes, Edward had a blip in 1996 when he persuaded Princess Anne and the Duke and Duchess of York to take part in the Eighties TV show It’s a Royal Knockout – an undignified disaster – but nowadays he and his wife (who wasn’t around at the time) adopt an understated approach as full-time working members of the Royal family.

Sophie, who is particularly diligent, splits her time between supporting the Queen, who has become very fond of her daughter-in-law, and her roles as Patron of over 70 charities and organisations, which focus on children, medical issues and agriculture. Friendly and reliable, she doesn’t seem to mind taking a back seat, often accompanies the Queen to church, and helps Prince Charles and the Duchess of Cambridge at their engagements.

She has developed her own elegant style without having had a stylist of her own and at 54 looks more beautifully serene than ever. Her quieter husband often accompanies her on her royal engagements and has also taken over various positions from his father, including his role in the Duke of Edinburgh’ Award Scheme.

At the other extreme is the more showbiz style of Edward and Wallis, the Duke and Duchess of Windsor. Edward VIII was king very briefly, from January to December 1936, but always disliked court protocol and constitutional conventions and chose love over duty, so he could be with American, twice-divorced Simpson.

Enormously relieved to leave the straitjacket of being a royal, Edward felt born again. Wallis, initially, felt “low” and “cheap,” but cheered up when she found she was on the cover of Time magazine and the first woman to be named Person of the Year. They subsequently became professional celebrities, holding court in Paris and New York.

In the middle lies the example of yet another Edward: Queen Victoria’s eldest son, commonly known as Bertie. A natural rebel, due to his mother’s long reign, during which he was not given any significant duties, he developed a reputation as an arbiter of men’s fashion and a polished playboy. His countless mistresses including actresses Lillie Langtry and Sarah Bernhardt, as well as Alice Keppel, great-grandmother of Camilla Parker Bowles. He began to knuckle down in 1875, when he was allowed to make a state visit to India, and gradually grew into his role of King-in waiting. When he finally became king Edward VII in 1901, aged 59, his common touch, dignity and charm led the monarchy into the 20th century.

Harry and Meghan need to navigate their own royal journey. One can’t imagine Meghan quietly taking a back seat, she is bursting with projects and ideas of all sorts, and Harry’s hard-partying days are far behind him. Both are ambitious, passionate philanthropists; their challenge is to use their fortunate position to make change, without appearing to take advantage of it.

There is no doubt that their intentions are good, but the optics, of late, have been unfortunate.

Next month, along with baby Archie, Meghan and Harry will fly off for an official tour to South Africa. While mother and baby will remain in a South African base, Prince Harry will visit Angola, Malawi and Botswana.

These countries connect to his personal conservation passions, as well as the charitable interests of his late mother, Diana, Princess of Wales. It will no doubt be a huge success, and a positive time for the couple to take stock: is their future going to be immersed in the celebrity world or the royal one? It is impossible to choose both.

The British monarchy is the most respected royal institution in the world, yet the Queen herself understands that it needs to evolve to stay relevant. Harry and Meghan could be the ones to help lead the way, but only if they accept that tradition as well as innovation must play its part.