Yahoo News Tam Cowan: 'Jason Donovan is so wooden I got a skelf from shaking his hand'
As my mugshot at the top of the page will confirm, I’ve spent most of my adult life as a dead-ringer for Harold Bishop from Neighbours. So picture my excitement, dear reader, when I got the chance to work last week with former Ramsay Street pin-up Jason Donovan?!?
Whisper it, but I was a huge fan of the long-running Aussie soap when it first appeared on our screens – Monday to Friday at 1.35pm – back in the mid-80s. And each episode was repeated, you may recall, on BBC1 at 5.35pm. This was presumably for the benefit of viewers who couldn’t quite believe what they’d watched the first time around…
Seriously, though, Neighbours was actually great for my mental health a few years ago. I was experimenting with the ancient Chinese practice of feng shui – best described as rearranging the furniture to harmonise oneself with the surrounding environment – and the results were incredible. One night when Neighbours was on, I turned the TV set to face the wall and immediately felt much, much better…
The show produced some terrific actors like, ehhh, well, Bouncer the dog was pretty decent. Wooden? No harm to Jason – one half of the legendary Scott & Charlene lovey-dovey duo alongside Kylie Minogue – but when I shook his hand last Friday I half-expected to get a skelf…
I felt honoured to witness his sound-check last week as, thinking back to Neighbours, it might have been the first ever time he’d rehearsed. The 80s/90s pop icon was booked as the star turn at a huge charity bash I was hosting in Glasgow and, thanks to the presence of Mr Donovan, the theme was all things Australia.
Hence the kangaroo costume (how much of a tw*t do I look in that photo?) which I purchased from Amazon for 45 quid. (Needless to say, the box it came in also had enough room for Ayers Rock.) Ever since, as a kid, I saw Bernie Clifton on TV with his famous ostrich, I’ve ALWAYS wanted a shot of one of those!
Looks stupid, sure. But as I explained to the 600-strong audience, it was either the kangaroo outfit - or I’d MC the event dressed-up as Rolf Harris… (Can you imagine?!?)
Anyway, it was a smashing afternoon – an incredible £97,000 was raised for charity –- and, hey, who cares if Jason’s voice was flatter than the Netherlands. The main thing, from a totally selfish point of view, is that my kangaroo has been offered another gig in Glasgow. Yep, starting tonight, he’s working at the Horseshoe Bar as a bouncer… PS. In keeping with the Oz theme, main course on the lunch menu was something called a boomerang burger. Never again. It kept coming back on me…
The Glasgow Film Festival will take place from Feb 26 to March 9 next year and, according to something I read on social media this week, organisers are on the lookout for the most exciting new titles. Might I suggest a few Weegie classics?
For example, There’s Something About Maryhill, Rob Royston, The 39 Stepps, The Govanhills Have Eyes, The Dark Knightswood, Toryglen! Toryglen! Toryglen!, Busby Malone, Tradeston Places, Bonnie & Clydebank, The Witches Of Easterhouse, The Devil Wears Primark, What Are We Going To Do About Kelvin?, The Botanic Rites Of Dracula, Mission Impossilpark and Necropolis Now.
When I brought up this subject on Off The Ball last year, an Edinburgh listener recalled a blind date with a lassie from Glasgow. “If my experience was made into a movie,” he said, “it would have to be called To Kiss A Mockit Burd…” Brilliant.
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