Tam Cowan: If Sunak shrinks any further he'll be a target for the No10 cat

Hats off to Mother Nature for doing to Rishi Sunak what the Tory party (another dreadful shower) has done to the UK for the past 14 years…

As one observer noted, imagine a man without a waterproof jacket or an umbrella standing outside Downing Street in the pouring rain and declaring: “I have a plan!”

It’s hard to believe the PM’s team of advisers allowed him to get soaked to the skin. Surely someone had a spare brolly?

Given his diminutive stature, even a wee cocktail umbrella left over from a Covid drinks party at No10 would have done the trick.

No truth in the rumour, by the way, that Baroness Mone offered to provide Rishi with a protective waterproof gown for £143million.

I have a hunch he deliberately stood at the lectern mid-monsoon. Don’t forget, every vote counts – including the sympathy variety.

However, this hilariously ridiculous news conference has surely made the Tories even more of a laughing stock.

Let’s be honest, the late, great David Wilkie wasn’t that wet when he won gold at the Montreal Olympics.

Say what you want about the SNP but you’d never see John Swinney addressing the nation with soaking wet hair…

(Perhaps fellow Nat Stephen Flynn should have let Rishi borrow that pink bathing cap he wears in Parliament.)

I actually felt sorry for the wee man. He was drookit! And if he shrinks any further, he’ll be a target for the Downing Street cat.

After shivering his way back inside No10, let’s hope Mrs Sunak got the Radox out and let him relax in a nice hot sink…

I reckon the only person who would have swapped places with Rishi on Wednesday was former Post Office chief Paula Vennells.

If she’d been able to conduct her interview at the Horizon inquiry in the peeing rain, her tears may have looked quite genuine.

Incidentally, I can’t condone the actions of full-time British activist Steve Bray who drowned out (no pun intended) the PM’s
speech with D:Ream’s 1997 Labour anthem Things Can Only Get Better.

I mean, what was wrong with the Travis classic Why Does It Always Rain On Me?

Yet again, Scotland got a raw deal from London…

The PM’s announcement took everyone by surprise. Why July 4?

I’ll hazard a guess he got a great deal on a holiday starting July 5.

If anyone is wondering why they call it a “snap” election, I think it’s because just days after the new PM moves into No10, we’ll all be saying: “Snap.”

(Definition of the Week? Electile dysfunction: the inability to be aroused by any of the parties standing for election.)

I’m delighted the Tories have announced a General Election on July 4. It means us Scots will have at least ONE thing to celebrate during the Euros.

But we’ve got every right to be raging that it clashes with the start of our school holidays.

We ALWAYS get a bum deal in the summer. With the English pupils not breaking up ’til August, who remembers that hellish four-week wait until the decent programmes started on the telly (The Banana Splits, Why Don’t You? and The Adventures of Robinson Crusoe)?

Bad news for today’s kids – the only stuff on the box at the start of July will be election previews!

So what now for Rishi? Will he go back to his old job – standing on top of wedding cakes?

Steve Baker MP told Victoria Derbyshire that if the Tories get kicked out of office, he’ll do a bit of sky-diving, motorcycling and
catamaran sailing.

Perhaps Rishi will try scuba diving.

Well, he already owns a wet suit…