Taskmaster star Julian Clary has started off the new series with a hilarious NSFW task submission.
Thursday night's (September 21) episode kicked off a brand-new series of Taskmaster where the contestants Julian, Lucy Beaumont, Sam Campbell, Sue Perkins and Susan Wokoma each took on their first tasks.
The opening night tasks were particularly wacky as the stars were asked by Greg Davies and "friendless oddball" Alex Horne (Greg's words, not ours) to put one very large duck into a lake and test their handiness with a blindfold.
But first, the contestants had to present Greg with "the most wonderful wooden thing that they've owned for a while" in the Prize Task, and it didn't take long for things to go off the rails.
Julian Clary was up first and got things off to a bawdy start by bringing in a coffee table where the legs were carved from wood in the shape of conjoined bare bums.
"And we're off," Greg joked as the audience chuckled.
Julian explained that the 'wooden bum table' had been personally commissioned from a woodworker friend almost 30 years ago.
"It was hard to part with," Julian admitted, before strategically explaining: "But I thought it might win me a point."
Competition for the round was pretty fierce with Lucy Beaumont submitting a wooden frame for a portrait of "the spirit of a Boxer dog", Sam Campbell's avant-garde take on Pinocchio (where everything was long except the nose), Sue Perkins's "piece of art" painted by a chimpanzee (named Henry) with banana purée during "a monkey orgy", and Susan Wokoma's windchime (which was not haunted).
In the end, Greg awarded the five points to Julian — as if there was ever any doubt — simply because he was impressed by "such a heavy bum table".
Sam managed to win the episode over all, so Julian will need to come up with something even more outrageous than a "bum table" next week!
There's even more Taskmaster on tap for you this week, as former contestant Jenny Eclair breaks down the premiere and shares some behind-the-scenes details with super-fan Jack Bernhardt on Taskmaster: The People's Podcast.
Channel 4 also has a spin-off for children, Junior Taskmaster, on the way soon where former contestants Rose Matafeo and Mike Wozniak fill in for Greg Davies and Little Alex to put some kids through their paces.
Taskmaster will continue on Thursdays at 9pm on Channel 4. You can catch up on classic episodes on All 4 right now.
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