These are words I never thought I’d write but, taking the prize for 2022’s most political festive ad is... Tesco.
It looks like Britain’s supermarket heavyweight has decided to get a little bit cheeky in this new age of austerity and is tipping a wink to the exasperated general public by creating a political manifesto that people can finally get behind.
Billing themselves as “The Christmas Party”, the newly-formed (we presume) political movement promises to bring the joy back to the UK the only way they know how: with cheap mince pies and extra helpings of stuffing.
“We promise more pigs in more blankets for more people, award-winning wines that deliver on budget,” the advert says, interspersed with images of children losing their minds about bacon-wrapped mini-sausages, Christmas hats on dogs, and various blended families celebrating around the UK.
The only things our prospective festive overlords plan on cutting are “prices, and cake”, they tell us, before calling for a referendum on whether the greatest Christmas film ever made is Love Actually (the age-old argument continues). There’s even a horde of carol singers bedecked in the Tesco colours, merrily singing their mantra of mince pies for £1.12, and scrapping bedtime for children (as might be imagined, the parents on the doorstep look less than thrilled by this).
The advert itself is… fine. It’s all very tongue in cheek, it’s snappily edited and there are flashes of humour that make the corner of the mouth twitch upwards every so often. It’s just not what we need right now, despite the efforts of the voiceover guy, doing his best political party broadcast impression the whole way through.
Look at it this way: in a world where Christmas adverts have transformed into a kind of escapism, does the British public really want to be reminded of the absolute circus that was 2022?
I can’t think of a single thing more likely to kill my festive buzz than remembering that we’re heading into a cost-of-living crisis, that energy bills are going through the roof and that, despite having three different prime ministers in three months, we’re likely going to have to do the whole rigmarole all over again in 2025 when the general election finally drags itself round.
That said, when it does, the idea of voting for a party with a Christmas pudding on a rosette as its symbol is mighty appealing. If only the Christmas Party were here to stay.