What Theresa May said in her Florence speech – and what she really meant

What Theresa May said: It’s good to be here in this great city of Florence today at a critical time in the evolution of the relationship between the United Kingdom and the European Union.

What she actually meant: We might as well be in London, but I have brought all the British press pack with me so that I can stand against a white backdrop with some words on it and use the word “renaissance”.

What she said: Just last week, President Juncker set out his ambitions for the future of the European Union. There is a vibrant debate going on about the shape of the EU’s institutions and the direction of the Union in the years ahead. We don’t want to stand in the way of that.

What she meant: The bumptious Luxembourgois set out his ambitions for a European superstate last week. But you still don’t understand why we’re off. Your funeral.

What she said: The only way for us to respond to this vast array of challenges is for like-minded nations and peoples to come together and defend the international order that we have worked so hard to create – and the values of liberty, democracy, human rights and the rule of law by which we stand.

What she meant: That’s why we are breaking up the international order we have worked so hard to create.

What she said: Britain has always – and will always – stand with its friends and allies in defence of these values. Our decision to leave the European Union is in no way a repudiation of this longstanding commitment.

What she meant: Black is also white. The Pope is a Protestant.

What she said: The strength of feeling that the British people have about this need for control and the direct accountability of their politicians is one reason why, throughout its membership, the United Kingdom has never totally felt at home being in the European Union.

What she meant: You’ve never thought that we were true Europeans and we’ve always felt you were right. So there’s no need to take offence if we finally get the message.

What she said: That is our choice. It does not mean we are no longer a proud member of the family of European nations. And it does not mean we are turning our back on Europe; or worse that we do not wish the EU to succeed.

What she meant: It means we are no longer a proud member of the family of European nations. We are turning our back on Europe; and we don’t care whether the EU succeeds or not.

What she said: In my speech at Lancaster House earlier this year, I set out the UK’s negotiating objectives. Those still stand today.

What she meant: Nothing has changed. Nothing has changed.

What she said: I am clear that the guarantee I am giving on your rights is real. And I doubt anyone with real experience of the UK would doubt the independence of our courts or of the rigour with which they will uphold people’s legal rights.

What she meant: We’re not a banana republic, you know.

What she said: Of course, we recognise that we can’t leave the EU and have everything stay the same.

What she meant: So, no, we won’t be staying in the single market. Pay attention at the back.

What she said: In short, we want to work hand in hand with the European Union, rather than as part of the European Union.

What she meant: In Europe but not run by Europe, as all previous Conservative leaders have said.

What she said: We do not pretend that you can have all the benefits of membership of the single market without its obligations.

What she meant: When David Davis said we could have the “exact same benefits” he was talking out of the back of his neck.

What she said: The question for us now in building a new economic partnership is not how we bring our rules and regulations closer together, but what we do when one of us wants to make changes.

What she meant: This is the difficult bit, and my Cabinet doesn’t agree on the answer, so bear with me while I try to fudge it.

What she said: European Economic Area membership would mean the UK having to adopt at home – automatically and in their entirety – new EU rules. Rules over which, in future, we will have little influence and no vote. Such a loss of democratic control could not work for the British people.

What she meant: Norway? One of the richest and loveliest countries in the world? No thanks.

What she said: As for a Canadian style free trade agreement … it would represent such a restriction on our mutual market access that it would benefit neither of our economies. We can do so much better than this.

What she meant: Canada? One of the richest, pleasantest countries in the world? Definitely not. No, no, no: I have a vision of another arrangement that has never been tried. Trust me.

What she said: We share the same set of fundamental beliefs: a belief in free trade, rigorous and fair competition, strong consumer rights, and that trying to beat other countries’ industries by unfairly subsidising one’s own is a serious mistake. So there is no need to impose tariffs where we have none now, and I don’t think anyone sensible is contemplating this.

What she meant: The only person who wants to leave the EU so that we can subsidise our industries is Jeremy Corbyn. Don’t vote for him.

What she said: Of course, there is no pre-existing model for co-operation between the EU and external partners which replicates the full scale and depth of the collaboration that currently exists between the EU and the UK.

What she meant: Who had “pre-existing model” in the sweepstake? Come and collect your prize.

What she said: We are proposing a bold new strategic agreement that provides a comprehensive framework for future security, law enforcement and criminal justice co-operation: a treaty between the UK and the EU.

What she meant: Abstract nouns. Long words. Jargon. I’ll do “versatile, dynamic and dialogue” next. All qualified by “where appropriate”.

What she said: If we adopt this vision of a deep and special partnership, the question is then how we get there: how we build a bridge from where we are now to where we want to be.

What she meant: This vision is so deep we must build a bridge over it.

What she said: As of today, these considerations point to an implementation period of around two years.

What she meant: Two years. Hope you like it. It’s the only new bit of policy in the speech and the British press has been talking about it for months. If you don’t like it, we can change it.

What she said: We will also want to continue … to take part in those specific policies and programmes which are greatly to the UK and the EU’s joint advantage, such as those that promote science, education and culture – and those that promote our mutual security. And as I set out in my speech at Lancaster House, in doing so, we would want to make an ongoing contribution to cover our fair share of the costs involved.

What she meant: Ongoing contribution. It’s not new, Boris. Lancaster House. I’ve said it before and you agreed with it. Keep calm. Lancaster House. Nothing has changed.

What she said: Yes, the negotiations to get there will be difficult. But if we approach them in the right way – respectful of the challenges for both sides and pragmatic about resolving them – we can find a way forward that makes a success of this for all of our peoples.

What she meant: What I have set out today is, I hope, enough to get me through the Tory party conference.

What she said: I recognise that this is not something that you – our European partners – wanted to do. It is a distraction from what you want to get on with. But we have to get this right.

What she meant: Neither did I. I was a Remainer. But we have to make the best of it.

What she said: When this chapter of our European history is written, it will be remembered … not for a relationship that ended but a new partnership that began. A partnership of interests, a partnership of values; a partnership of ambition for a shared future.

What she meant: We could call it the European Community or something.