Theresa May stable gag wins Christmas cracker jokes competition

Brace yourself. Here is the most hilarious topical Christmas cracker joke of 2017: “Why was Theresa May sacked as nativity manager? She couldn’t run a stable government.”

Not convinced? How about the second most side-splitting: “Why don’t Southern Rail train guards share advent calendars? They want to open the doors themselves.”

The best modern cracker jokes have been identified by the TV channel Gold after it sought entries to a competition via Twitter and asked the public to choose their favourites.

Christmas needs pantomime villains, and this year Brexit, Ryanair, Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un appear in the top 20 new gags.

The comedy critic Bruce Dessau, who chaired the judging panel that selected a shortlist put to a public vote of 2,000 people, said: “In a world that seems to have turned upside down in recent years, there is something wonderfully reassuring about the fact that people have still retained their sense of humour and come up with some inspired gags for this year’s Gold Christmas Crackers competition.”

The author of the winning joke, Samuel Williams, received £1,500 towards a holiday.

Part of the fun of Christmas cracker jokes is the groans they induce, and the new gags continue that tradition.

At number five on the list is: “Why did Donald Trump continuously decorate the Christmas tree? Because people kept saying ‘moron’ to him.”

And at number 18 is: “What keeps Spain from buying Christmas socks that match? Matalan separatists.”

The top 10

1. Why was Theresa May sacked as nativity manager? She couldn’t run a stable government.
2. Why don’t Southern Rail train guards share advent calendars? They want to open the doors themselves.
3. What’s the difference between Ryanair and Santa? Santa flies at least once a year.
4. Kim Jong-un will play Santa this year in the South’s annual pantomime. He said he fancied a Korea change.
5. Why did Donald Trump continuously decorate the Christmas tree? Because people kept saying “moron” to him.
6. Why was the planned Ryanair TV documentary scrapped? They were unable to air a pilot.
7. Which TV Christmas special is being filmed in Brussels this year? Deal Or No Deal.
8. Theresa May has asked Santa for a home makeover this year. First thing on the list was a new cabinet.
9. What did Bruce Forsyth say when the Christmas pheasant repeated on him? “Good game, good game.”
10. Why did Jeremy Corbyn ask people not to eat sprouts on Christmas Day? He wants to give peas a chance.