I told my future wife I was a painter rather than admitting I played for Aston Villa
All of Andi Weimann's 17 goals for Aston Villa came between March 2012 and January 2015.
Forget the scoring tally for a moment and think about that era instead. March 2012 to January 2015. Hardly vintage Villa was it? To his credit, Weimann was responsible for providing some of the rare glimmers of excitement during what often became a joyless slog for survival under Alex McLeish and Paul Lambert.
There was his dramatic first goal for the club when he scrambled a winner against Fulham at the Holte End as Big Eck's class of 2011-12 stayed up in instalments. The 12-goal tally in 2012-13 as the Austrian stiker's three-pronged partnership with Christian Benteke and Gabby Agbonlahor briefly illuminated the Lambert era. Perhaps most memorably of all was the brilliant breakaway goal as Villa twice came from behind to beat champions Manchester City in September 2013, but more of that in a moment.
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Having established himself as a regular Premier League starter and ingratiated himself with the Villa Park faithful you'd have thought Weimann's face, complete with cheeky smile and twinkle in the eyes, would be instantly recognisable around Birmingham.
Apparently not. On nights out in the city there was at least one Brummie partygoer who had no idea who he was.
Weimann first met his future wife Jennifer in Mechu, a nightclub on Summer Row in Birmingham city centre, a popular hang-out for Villa players a decade or so ago.
But rather than admit what he did for a living, he told a little white lie to make sure his prospective love interest was genuine girlfriend material, not a wannabe WAG.
"I told her I was a painter and decorator!" he reveals with a giggle. "She didn't have a clue about football and she still doesn't."
His ploy was quickly exposed when Jennifer's Villa-supporting sibling blew his cover. Fortunately the pair were already smitten with one another so she didn't give him the brush off.
Weimann chuckles through his explanation: "I always feel... not embarrassed... but if people ask me what I do I don't like saying 'I'm a footballer'.
"I don't know why. I think people might think 'is he talking rubbish or is he big-time?' or whatever.
"The day after I met her I went away on international duty. Obviously I got her number and I texted her to tell her.
"She thought I was an international painter or something like that! She showed her brother a WhatsApp picture. He's a Villa fan and he said, 'that's not a painter, that's Andi Weimann, he plays for the Villa!'"
"Am I any good at painting? No, I've never done any painting in my life!"
Given their son's lack of DIY or art skills, it's just as well Weimann's parents Thomas and Sabine have found the perfect thing to hang on the dining room wall of their family home back in Vienna.
It's a photograph, and an iconic one at that, which perfectly captures the highlight of Weimann's 113 match Aston Villa career.
That winning goal against Man City. A big boot upfield from Brad Guzan was flicked on by Libor Kozak and with Vincent Kompany and Matija Nastasic doing passable impressions of the William McGregor statue, Weimann sprinted through to poke the ball past Joe Hart.
Weimann beams with delight when Birmingham Live's Claret & Blue podcast reminds him about it - and the joyous scenes that followed.
"There's a picture of me in front of the Holte End celebrating. I'll never forget that," he smiles.
"I've got a copy of it, yes," he continues. "Not in the house, but my parents have got it, a big one of it above their dining table, it's a great picture.
"It's a surreal feeling. What's so good about it is you can see the expressions of all the fans.
"You see me from behind and you see how much it means to them. When you stand there, look at the crowd and see thousands of fans all going crazy in the Holte End there's no better feeling in the world."
Unfortunately, Weimann's status as a darling of the Holte End was shortlived. Despite being a main man under Lambert, his first team opportunities faded when Tim Sherwood took over as Villa boss in February 2015.
Weimann started just one game under Sherwood, but was included in every matchday squad under the new manager. Well, all but one.
For an adopted Brummie and 'one of our own' who arrived at the Bodymoor Heath as a teenager, it was a bitter blow to be completely left out of Villa's first FA Cup final in 15 years.
When Villa were fitted for their Wembley suits ahead of the 2015 showpiece showdown against Arsenal he never once imagined he would be spending the entire matchday in his.
"That hurt me the most, missing the FA Cup final, I'll tell you that openly," admits Weimann, who along with Matt Lowton was in the 20-man travelling party but didn't make the 18-player match squad.
"I don't think I missed a game or training session all season. Coming through the youth team, getting to the cup final was massive. But I missed out.
"Arsenal were too good for us, we lost badly and to make it worse I was sat in my suit watching it."
Weimann had seen it coming. A brief visit to Sherwood's office to ask permission to attend a family funeral weeks earlier had culminated in a chat in which the manager told him he was no longer wanted.
"We started talking a little bit about me, how it's going and stuff and he said I needed a change of scenery. If the manager says that to you, it's time to go."
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Go he did. To Derby County for three years and Bristol City for six with brief spells at Villa's local rivals Wolverhampton Wanderers and West Bromwich Albion along the way.
Now 33 - where does the time go? - he is still going strong, playing centre forward for Championship promotion hopefuls Blackburn Rovers.
For the avoidance of doubt, Jennifer, he is a footballer - a former Aston Villa favourite, at that.
And although he's not very handy with a paintbrush, when it comes to scoring goals and iconic photographs, he can definitely apply a glossy finish.
This article has been updated and adapted from an interview on our Claret & Blue podcast in February 2021. You can watch the original interview on our YouTube channel here.