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Are Tory remainers pondering a conscious uncoupling from the party?

‘My name’s Sam Gyimah and I’m in favour of a second referendum.’
‘My name’s Sam Gyimah and I’m in favour of a second referendum.’ Photograph: Tolga Akmen/AFP/Getty Images

The fightback starts here. Maybe. That could be putting it a bit strongly. On the morning after Theresa May had celebrated surviving a no confidence vote by declaring her new Brexit plan would be pretty much the same as the one that had been defeated by 230 votes on Tuesday, a handful of Tory MPs gathered in the basement room of a central London hotel to launch their own self-help group.

“My name’s Philip and I’m in favour of a second referendum,” said Philip Lee. There. He’d come out and said it. Already he felt so much better about himself. He’d taken the first step by admitting his powerlessness over the Conservative party. And he knew he wasn’t alone. There were 4 million like-minded Tory voters out there who were fed up with being lied to, who recognised the prime minister’s deal was dead and wanted to take back control of their lives by having another say on leaving the EU.

It was a bold claim to make when the total membership of Right to Vote seemed to be limited to the same few Tory MPs – Anna Soubry, Sarah Wollaston, Dominic Grieve, Heidi Allen, Justine Greening, Sam Gyimah and Lee – whose views on a second referendum were already well known. But small steps and all that. Right to Vote Anonymous might now be a bit too niche and too anonymous, but if you build it, people will come. Just give it time. They had been expecting one more MP to appear but he’d pulled out at the last minute.

Allen was the next to share. “My name’s Heidi,” she began. It hadn’t been easy to come out in favour of a second referendum as a Conservative. But she had hit rock bottom and was ready to collect her P45 if necessary. The Tories had to realise they were in sales and that what was currently on offer was a product that no one wanted. People recognised that Brexit was an unholy mess, that the government had no coherent plans for sorting it out and that a second vote was the only realistic solution. It’s time to be less tribal, she said. To an audience made up entirely of Conservatives.

“My name’s Sam,” said Gyimah. His story was the most harrowing of all. He had been a minister on the verge of a promotion to the cabinet. Life had been sweet mainlining power. But then he realised he’d been ripped off with a dirty hit. It had been May who had been orchestrating an establishment stitch-up by trying to keep parliament out of the loop over her shabby deal. Her only interest was in delivering a third-rate future so she could claim bragging rights for having delivered some kind of Brexit.

Though all three were happy to offer their experience, strength and hope they were short on details of where they went from here as they hadn’t yet got round to writing steps two to 12 of their 12-step programme. There would be an extension to article 50 and more people would come along to their meetings. For now it was enough for them to have provided a safe space where no one could be harassed or bullied.

They realised it was a tough call to get others on board, but if people felt shy about sharing in meetings they were welcome to just come along and listen. The second referendum could be won by spiritual osmosis. And if that was still a bit too scary there were mindfulness weekend starter packs on offer and some hot yoga – complete with Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop patented “Namaste” scented candles that were guaranteed to aid conscious uncoupling from the Tory party. Special discounts available for those taking part in Dry Second Referenduary, with key rings handed out to those who got to 30 days clean.

Right to Vote Anonymous might have had the air of a People’s Front of Judaea tribute act, but it was no less of an alternative lifestyle to any of the others on show. Despite having lost his no confidence vote in parliament the previous evening, rather than chatting to May – a tough gig, but someone’s got to do it – Jeremy Corbyn had headed off to Hastings to launch a general election campaign for an election that wasn’t happening. Call it a dry run.

Meanwhile back in Downing Street, the prime minister was having talks about Brexit in which nothing she didn’t want to talk about could be mentioned. We are now in a dystopia of parallel worlds in which everyone is pursuing their own personal growth programme for which there is no parliamentary majority. We’d have more chance sorting the whole thing out with tarot cards.