Your home is smelling lovely today.
Thanks, it certainly has a post-coital glow.
Oh I already did, or at least my candle has. “This Candle Smells Like Kim’s Orgasm”, allegedly, and it was gifted by Goop founder Gwyneth Paltrow to one Kim Kardashian to commiserate on her own conscious uncoupling from Kanye West.
I think using your friend’s divorce to promote your own homeware brand is a bit gauche.
Nothing says “I’m thinking of you” like a care package starring a personalised candle to remind you of the fun you’ll have once you’ve ditched your husband...
Dare I ask — how exactly does Kim’s orgasm smell?
We haven’t seen the fragrance notes but the photos suggest this isn’t a bespoke scent. We suspect some handy PR has simply pasted over the label of one of Goop’s “This Smells Like My Orgasm” scented candles, yours for just $75 (£54).
As Shakespeare almost said, arousal by any other name would smell as sweet.
How does an off-the-shelf orgasm smell, then?
Grapefruit, neroli, cassis, Turkish rose and gunpowder tea. It’s supposed to be “sexy, surprising, and wildly addictive”.
Is the female orgasm even that shocking these days?
True, Nars came first in 1999 with the scandalous-for-the-time Orgasm blusher. But now that every other millennial-orientated brand advertises itself with suggestive fruit it’s refreshing to have a product that doesn’t beat around the bush when it comes to lauding female pleasure.
Is it meant to be spitting like that?
Gwyneth’s range has already made headlines after one of the This Smells Like My Vagina candles reportedly blew up on an unsuspecting customer.
I’ll go fetch the fire extinguisher.
Who doesn’t enjoy a truly explosive finish?