Yahoo News Get into Trump's mind? Gavin Williamson can't even get into his own mind
There are some politicians to whom there is a great deal more than first meets the eye. And then there are others to whom there is a great deal less. Not so much Russian dolls as fragile shells of low self-worth and giant egos. People very much like Gavin Williamson.
“I have a lot of sleepless nights,” Williamson admitted half-way through a hearing of the defence select committee on Britain’s role in Nato. But not nearly so many sleepless nights as the rest of the country has in knowing that he is our defence secretary. The idea that the safety of the country has been entrusted to someone so clearly unqualified for the job is a terrifying prospect.
The only person who believes in Williamson’s ability is Williamson. And possibly Theresa May. Though even she must be having her misgivings by now. Gavin got the gig by first recommending that Michael Fallon resign and then presenting the prime minister with a short list with just one name on it. His.
May fell on it gratefully: it’s sometimes easier to surround yourself with people who are as clueless as you. Safety in numbers. And ever since Williamson has rewarded the prime minister for her show of faith by doing nothing to suggest he is up to the job. Not least by failing to realise that the thing you are meant to do with ambition is hide it.
Williamson began with his rough overview of Nato. He’d sent a memo round to all the other countries, reminding them of their obligations to spend 2% of GDP if they thought they could afford it, and thought Britain had shown great leadership qualities. What sort of leadership qualities? Gavin thought for a while. “Significant leadership qualities,” he said. He couldn’t say any more or he would have to kill everyone in the room.
Conservative Johnny Mercer wasn’t entirely convinced by these banalities and asked what specific specialities Williamson thought we brought to Nato. “We bring a lot of specialities,” Gavin said confidently. Could he be more specific about the specific specialities? Um. Er. We were good at submarine activity. And we were taking a major leadership role in cyber warfare. In fact, we were taking major leadership roles everywhere. Come to think of it, we were basically running Nato.
“Is Nato basically the same as when it was formed in 1949?” asked committee chair Julian Lewis. As Williamson’s knowledge of 20th century history begins and ends with the Nazis that he studied for GCSE history a couple of years back, he was completely stumped by this.
Lewis tried another tack. Could he put himself inside the psyche of President Trump and say what the Donald had meant when he had declared Nato to be obsolete? A look of panic crossed Williamson’s face. He can’t even put himself into his own mind, let alone anyone else’s.
Williamson looked even more confused moments later when he was asked why we had just deployed 600 soldiers to Afghanistan. It was clearly news to him. At which point the committee realised there was no point in asking him any serious questions about the country’s defence and decided to have some fun instead by picking on him.
“How long would it take to deploy a task force to the Balkans?” asked Tory Mark Francois. Gavin mumbled something about driving down the M2, getting delayed for several weeks at the border post Brexit, before heading off through mainland Europe with a Rough Guide at the ready. Francois sniggered, before gently pointing out the war could be over by the time our troops arrived.
Lewis unkindly chose to again expose the gaps in Williamson’s knowledge by asking about the state of Nato 20 years ago. Gavin gulped. This was long before he became Fireplace Salesman of the Year 2005. While he was still at school possibly. It was very different, he said guardedly, fumbling towards the light. Though in many ways still much the same.
“The UK and the US have a very strong relationship,” he declared, fluttering his eyelids flirtatiously “We complement one another.” We shared a GSOH, liked reading and enjoyed going for long walks in the country. And a good shag. This was Gavin’s major insight. Diplomatic relations were basically a bit like a Tinder date. Swipe right for Nato.
