Tumblr Just Released The Best App Update Ever

App update release notes are usually so boring we just skip right on past them and get to the downloading, but Tumblr just changed the game. 

“’4.3?’ roared David Karp across the boardroom table. He spun on his heels, turning his back to the board. His shoulder muscles rippled through his gingham shirt.

“‘4.3? We can do better than that. We HAVE to do better than that.’

“The boardroom broke into murmurs. They had done everything right with 4.3. The entire company, top to bottom, had signed off on it. The research was there. It was focus-grouped for 10 months straight. It was a sure-fire hit…” 

Thus begins Tumblr’s latest iOS app change log: take a minute to fan yourself after imagining CEO David Karp’s rippling muscles (pictured above, sans gingham - presumably the muscles are under there somewhere). 

Part app release note, part fan-fic, part trashy detective novel, the creative writing project announced Tumblr 4.3.1 to the world. Why 4.3.1? 

“He spun again, now facing outward onto the city he loved. From every street rose a memory. Lexington Avenue, where he learned to ride a bike, and where he got his first broken arm (Maury, who owned the bagel store, came running out when it happened. Good old Maury). Bleecker Street, where he got his first kiss, and saw his first real rock’n’roll show. The Velvet Underground. A sound so raw and real it could only come out of NYC. Finally, he looked down directly on to the street below. The street on which he’d built his business … no, not his business – his dreams. Below was a street on which the creative passions of millions of users had stacked up into a 431-storey skyscraper that housed the collective energy of Tumblr.

“David Karp pressed his nose against the glass and looked deep down into the canyon of 431st Street. Four-three-one. That’s when it hit him.

“’Four-three-one. That’s it. Version 4.3.1. That’s what we’ve gotta do. Version 4.3.1 of the Tumblr app for iOS.’”

Tumblr users and social media addicts have reacted with glee to the unconventional announcement. 

“We do it for them,” Karp said quietly in that fictional board meeting. “For the common man. The common man needs Tumblr now more than ever.” 

App updates have never been so dramatic, especially considering there never was a Tumblr app version 4.3. Which just goes to show, you can’t believe everything you read. 

Although we’re sure the bit about rippling muscles was for real. 

(pic: Everest/Rex Shutterstock)