Yahoo News The ultimate Eurovision drinking game
It's that glorious time of the year again. No, not Wimbledon, or Ascot, or London Fashion Week. I mean Eurovision.
The cheesy pan-European sing-off is widely mocked, but us Eurovision veterans know that there is nothing more fun than watching a night in watching terrible pop music and embarrassingly political voting with our friends.
We also know that a drinking game is the best way to get through it.
Here, without further ado, is the Telegraph's Eurovision drinking game. We take no responsibility for hangovers, or a sudden penchant to sing ballads on a revolving set.
Are you ready? Drink every time...
There's a wind machine
It's basically in the rules that performers must be buffeted by a gale-force wind, at all times.
The word 'love' or 'heart' is mentioned
Those sentimental Europeans.
Graham Norton insults someone
He just can't help himself.
Ireland does a ballad
It's their thing.
Somebody comes onstage in traditional costume
Though they'll never look as good as the 2012 Russian grannies.
Innuendo
We all remember those Polish milkmaids.
A performer switches from one language to the other
Show-offs.
There’s a key change
Drink twice if it's accompanied by a facial expression that suggests the performer is going into labour.
Somebody tries to use their song to make a political statement
There's no better time to annoy your government.
A country that isn’t in Europe appears
Drink three times if you can't locate it on a map.
The song sounds like it's being sung by an insane stalker
Europop has a dark side.
Somebody takes off an item of clothing
It won't get you any more points, guys.
There's fireworks
Drink twice if there's a smoke machine too.
The lyrics make no sense
Putting on the subtitles = comedy gold
One of the presenters says something annoying
Where do they find these people?
A country gives 12 points to one of its neighbours
Yeah, we're talking about you, Eastern Europe.
A country gives the UK nil points
What, again?
There’s a technical hitch as the countries give their votes
"Brussels, are you there?"
