What unites football and opera? Corruption, rage, deceit – and Lee Mack

Implacable rivalries and impossible wealth; political double-dealing and sex scandals; bribery; corruption. International football was made for opera.

It’s a short walk (even in studs) from Verdi’s battlefields to today’s stadiums, from council chambers to boardrooms, from lusty Dukes with more money than self-control to star players with still more (and still less). So when Grange Park Opera and Sky Arts announced plans for a new football-themed commission, complete with a digital chorus of real-life fans, it sounded like an open goal. If the result feels more like a missed penalty kick, it’s through no lack of effort or endeavour – both are screaming from the all-singing, all-dancing stage.

Perhaps an excess of good intention is the problem. From the four up-and-coming composers (Aran O’Grady, Ábel Esbenshade, Blasio Kavuma and Lucy Armstrong, working alongside Guildhall professor Julian Philips) who generate a score-by-committee that lurches from Broadway and film music to big-band and contemporary classical, to the (underused) community chorus and Phil Porter’s on-message libretto (“Why do we tolerate a game run by parasites? A place where thugs and racists feel at home?”), this is a piece that wants to be all things to all people.

Our heroes, Viko (Michel de Souza) and Eva (Milly Forrest), are childhood friends from an unnamed country who have grown up, conveniently, to become captains of their national football teams. When a bid to host the 2030 World Cup is hijacked by institutional corruption, both must strive not just to win, but to restore honour to the game. Add sub-plots involving documentary film-maker Martina (Idunnu Münch), rival football captain Soren (David Webb), plenty of scotch and scheming from the not-at-all-Sepp-Blatter-inspired President (Alan Ewing, hamming it up deliciously), as well as commentary from Lee Mack (yes, that one) and some pundits from Sky Sports, and this 90-minute show needs to take everything at a sprint. The furious exposition leaves too little time for anyone to feel, except in the broadest of headlines: “Football means hope.”

But under the efficient direction of PJ Harris, the performances are winners. Forrest is charming without being priggish, throwing herself gamely at the often ungrateful vocal lines. Ewing channels Scarpia – cavernous and unctuously ingratiating – and Munch’s smooth-polished mezzo brings bags of class. Both Webb and De Souza are underpowered, but the professional chorus more than make up for it. If fans are the heart of football, so the ensemble drives this opera: triumphant in some tricky music, they take Lizzi Gee’s demanding choreography in their stride.

Call it a one-all draw?

Until October 16. Tickets: 01962 737373; grangeparkopera.co.uk