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Vince Cable’s big speech: What he said – and what he really meant

What Vince Cable said: Conference, we meet at an absolutely crucial moment.

What he really meant: I am going to resign soon. You will then be plunged into the chaos of a leadership contest, which will be vicious because the stakes are so low.

What he said: History will record that Liberal Democrats have been on the right side of the Brexit argument.

What he meant: It is our consolation prize for losing the referendum. That’s why Jeremy Corbyn’s supporters keep saying he has always been on the right side of history. It makes up for not winning.

What he said: The Brexit date may be 29 March, but it is only maybe. Brexit is not inevitable. It can and must be stopped.

What he meant: And if it isn’t, I shall be off, saying I’m terribly sorry but at least I tried.

What he said: For the true believers – the fundamentalists – the costs of Brexit have always been irrelevant. Years of economic pain justified by the erotic spasm of leaving the European Union.

What he meant: DO NOT GET THIS LINE WRONG.

What he said: Boris – the chancer in chief – and Michael Gove embraced Brexit after tossing a coin, or making a cold calculation about the quickest route to the top of the Conservative Party.

What he meant: One or the other. Either it was random carelessness or it was ruthless calculation. This is only a leader’s speech at a party’s annual conference: what do you expect? Intellectual rigour?

What he said: As Boris discovered in the last Tory leadership election, Michael Gove is the ideal man for a penalty shootout – right to the last moment you never know which way he will go.

What he meant: Get it? I’m told it’s a reference to association football.

What he said: But the true believers and the chancers all save their greatest contempt for their colleagues: the conscripts – among them the prime minister, the chancellor, the foreign secretary and the business secretary. These are people who have signed up to Brexit out of a misplaced sense of duty. They see all the benefits of staying in the single market and the customs union, but feel they must pretend otherwise.

What he meant: Fancy being in government with right-wing Tories and implementing policies you don’t really believe in. That would never happen to us Liberal Democrats.

What he said: It is far easier for Jeremy Corbyn to be brave on Brexit. This is his big chance. He used to be the campaigning backbencher who joined us in opposing the Iraq war and defending civil liberties.

What he meant: Corbyn is popular among his followers because he is a secret Liberal Democrat.

What he said: Whilst free movement is a fundamental principle of the European single market, the EU may yet conclude that protecting free movement means reforming free movement.

What he meant: Free movement of people is a fundamental principle for us pro-Europeans, but if the people don’t like it, we’ll change it.

What he said: I have always been a believer in a liberal approach to the economy but we are currently getting all the disadvantages of a market economy and few of the benefits. An economy unhealthily built on debt: over-indebted households; over-indebted companies; over-indebted government.

What he meant: I have always been a gloomy capitalist; always going on like an Old Testament preacher about the dangers of excessive debt; always predicting another recession (I was right once).

What he said: As a minister, I was proud to launch the Financial Tech sector through the British Business Bank, as well as the Green Investment Bank and the Catapult network which has created a launch pad for many technological advances.

What he meant: We were in government. I know you don’t like to admit it, but the voters know it, so we have to spin it. White heat of the technological revolution, not tuition fees.

What he said: Our party is still very pale and very male. We must change that.

What he meant: I’m just going, honest. When I’ve sorted out a couple of things. Just got to see how Brexit pans out, then I’ve got some plans to frustrate all those MPs jostling to take over from me.

What he said: Thanks to your efforts, we start the job of building this movement from a position of greater electoral strength than was apparent a year ago.

What he meant: A year ago we thought we had only 12 MPs but now we have convinced ourselves that this is many more than we deserved.

What he said: Meanwhile, as we grow, the tectonic plates of British politics are shifting beneath us.

What he meant: The earth is about to open up and swallow us all. I wonder if anyone outside this hall will notice?

What he said: If you don’t call yourself a “moderate”, fine. I am a liberal and a social democrat and far from moderate in my detestation of what is happening at the extremes of British politics. But if others choose to identify themselves as moderates who hate extremism in their own parties, we shouldn’t be quibbling about labels. Let them in.

What he meant: Offer a place in our hole in the ground to “moderate” defectors from Labour’s civil war.

What he said: And if they are too shy to come in, let us extend the hand of friendship and cooperate with them. Millions of dissatisfied people are currently waiting for a lead.

What he meant: Not from me, obviously, or from any of our Lib Dem MPs. But there must be somebody in the country, somewhere.

What he said: Our movement is your movement. An open movement, with an open leadership. Join it, shape it, build it. Because together, we can – and we will – win.

What he meant: Or at least, we can tag along while somebody else wins for us.