'I visited the Lidl Freeway Cola bus that rivals the Coca-Cola Christmas truck and it was loveably naff'

"Holidays are coming, always Coca-Col..." Whoops! I mean, Lidl Freeway Cola! It's easy for me to mix the two, especially as Lidl has launched its near-identical version of the cola brand's famous Christmas truck. The Lidl Freeway Cola truck is touring nine towns and cities this winter - Dundee, Harrogate, Hull, Nottingham, Wolverhampton, Wrexham, Luton, Bournemouth and Southampton - offering visitors a chance to win a free product in store, make a Christmas wish, and enjoy a bite to eat and a (non-alcoholic) cup of mulled wine.

I caught up with the truck as it made its stop in Luton, the closest it gets to London in its nine-day cross country tour. Besides avoiding the same stops as Coca-Cola's truck, I can see why Lidl has chosen these locations - they're all filled to the brim with Lidl shops. As a Luton dweller, I can think of four Lidl supermarkets in the town, another in nearby Dunstable, and a further store and distribution centre in neighbouring Houghton Regis. The brand is firmly on home turf here.

Walking over to the truck's parking location in Luton's St George's Square, I have no idea what it's supposed to do or how the free gift deal works. But as I spot the Lidl camp, I'm filled with awe as its knock-off appearance really takes my breath away. The Lidl Freeway Cola truck looks like a large septic tank, covered not in Coca Cola's brilliant scarlet and white - but an off-colour burgundy hue that's always wrapped around supermarket cola. It reminds me of Peter's Kay's gag about Rola Cola, "seven litres for 40p".

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Nevertheless, a queue has formed outside already. Besides the truck, several canopies, a digital screen and precisely six plastic Christmas trees are set up and I'll admit to being curious as to what's on offer. As I get to the front, a security guy asks if I know what this is all about. "No, I don't," I respond, in a way which invites an answer. He just says: "Join the queue!"

Apart from one or two parents with prams, there's barely a child in sight and the long line of adults are all as confused as I am, with a vague notion that some sort of freebie is being doled out. Many sound puzzled as they chat among themselves. The queue leads to a digital screen where you pick a wrapped present, and then find out what free gift you've chosen which you can collect in-store. One common message was, "Congratulations, you've won a Favorina Milk Chocolate Santa!" In the end, I come out with a voucher for a free croissant.

But it's not as straightforward as that. "What you have to do, is to download the Lidl app," I hear an assistant repeatedly say, with a chirpiness that comes from reciting a line over and over. The problem is not everyone has smartphones. Two older women look non-plussed when they're told this and begin a conversation with each other as the assistant looks on. I manage to download the app and register while waiting in the line, but with seconds to spare before I'm in front of the screen.

Another assistant is on hand carrying out market research. Do you shop at Lidl? What do you think of the quality of Lidl's products? After today, are you more or less likely to shop at Lidl? With that and everyone being made to download the app, it's not hard to figure out what this event is all about. A toy donation bank is set up, but sadly is on its lonesome.

It's all lovably naff. After getting my free voucher, it's on to another secret tent where goodies are promised. But we're immediately faced with a wall and a bell standing on a shelf. "Ring for a magical Christmas treat," says a sign next to the bell. A plate is then anonymously shoved through a latch with all the care of HMP's finest. I get two slices of fruitcake and a dribble of non-alcoholic mulled wine. I say dribble, because it really is just a few millimetres - as I swirl the liquid, I can see the white bottom of the paper cup.

There's Christmas songs aplenty and a volunteer helpfully takes a picture of me outside the truck on my phone. There's a video booth where visitors can make Christmas wishes, with some sort of prize that Lidl will attempt to do good on. But I don't go in for this... as I'm pretty sure the things on my Christmas list, Lidl can't fulfil.

It's time for me to leave this place, with a 49.11MB app now installed on my phone and a voucher for a free croissant to be retrieved in store. Was it worth it? Yeah, it's a bit of fun at this time of year, even if it is a customer harvesting exercise, the staffers seem to care about doing their best.

"What you need to do, is to download the app," I hear one last time as I go, the voice still cheerful with infinite patience after repeating the same sentence a hundred times. Maybe we could all learn a thing from that.

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