A week in UK politics: from Jacob Rees-Mogg’s bunker to Richard Burgon’s job prospects

Revelation of the night

In the aftermath of the campaign, voters will be staggered by its best-kept secret: not the coordinates to Jacob Rees-Mogg’s underground holding cell, but the Labour party’s election slogan. The tagline that literally no one was talking about was: “It’s time for real change.” To be fair to Labour, it was a promise clearly delivered, with the party helping to achieve the once impossible spectacle of a Tory MP in Blyth Valley. Real change indeed!

Strategy of the night

It’s that point in the political cycle when all decisions taken by the winning side are reinterpreted as being works of strategic genius. According to this logic, Boris Johnson’s failure to use a mop, confiscation of a journalist’s phone and recourse to hiding in a fridge suddenly became inspired moves that captured the zeitgeist. Expect more MPs to opt to shelter in white goods next time around. Indeed, several Labour MPs have already offered Jeremy Corbyn a place in their freezer.

Implosion of the night

When it comes to snatching defeat from the jaws of victory, it’s hard to look past the Liberal Democrats. They managed to both precipitate the election and end up with fewer seats than they started with, even detonating their own leader in the process. Such has been the attrition rate of Lib Dem leaders since 2015 that the job is beginning to look rather less attractive than taking up drumming for Spinal Tap.

Spin of the night

Commiserations to the DUP, who couldn’t maintain the spin that they’re master negotiators. Having rejected one Brexit deal that protected the union, they ended up with a border down the Irish Sea and an election that ousted the party’s Westminster leader. Top marks, however, to shadow justice secretary Richard Burgon. Playing down his future ambitions, Burgon told an interviewer: “I’m not going to get into the question of leader or deputy leader.” High minded, for sure, though slightly undermined by the fact that no one had mentioned the role of deputy leader. Something on your mind, Richard?

Stat of the night

Kudos to Labour, which has lost 2,582,853 votes since the last election. It means it has shed an impressively profligate 2,816 votes a day since the 2017 poll. For all the criticism of Corbyn, it’s proof that he has lived up to his promise of inspiring a mass movement. He’s surely overachieved – that’s more of a stampede.