11 of Sean Lock’s best jokes

Comedian Sean Lock, who has died of cancer at the age of 58, was best known for his dry, deadpan humour.

Here are some of his best gags.

1. “Some people say the glass is half empty or half full but to me that’s irrelevant because I’m having another drink.”

2. “I’m not sure what my biggest fear is. It’s either me saying yes to Strictly… or them saying no.”

Channel 4 Comedy Gala photocall – London
(Ian West/PA)

3. “I’d like to be more in tune with other people’s feelings… so I can pinpoint their weaknesses and go for them more effectively when I do.”

4. “There’s one good reason for horror films, it’s an opportunity for intimacy between teenagers. It’s ideal because if you take someone to see Saw 2, anything you do to them afterwards will seem like a treat.”

5. “The Daleks: devoid of all emotion except hate. They’re like Piers Morgan on wheels.”

6. “I hear voices. But I ignore them and just carry on killing.”

7. “I like the bonfire thing. I had to take the RSPCA advice quite seriously because they said you should check under your bonfire for sleeping hedgehogs. I couldn’t find any, but luckily I had some in the freezer.”

Watch: Sean Lock's funniest TV moments

8.”‘You got your bag for life?’ Too bloody right I have. Now fill it with vodka or fags. I’m ironic. Let’s see who goes first, me or the bag.”

9. “I’ll tell you one thing: I think Nasa killed Michael Jackson. He died the same week as the anniversary of the initial moon landing, of the first moonwalk. They resent the fact that any time anyone puts ‘moonwalk’ into Google or anything, it cones up with him sliding backwards with a hat on and not the billions they spent going up to do a moonwalk. They hated that, and they killed him.”

Secret Policeman’s Ball – London
(Ian West/PA)

10. “I don’t like the Queen. I think it’s absurd that we have a queen. Basically what we’re saying is that we’re no more sophisticated than bees.”

11. “For me shoes are just a barrier between dog shit and my socks.”

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