32 Hilarious Larry David Quotes That Are Applicable In Real Life

Eric Eisenberg

22 June 2024 at 11:00 am

Legendary quotes from Curb Your Enthusiasm.

“Pretty good. Pret-tay pret-tay pret-tay good.”

“I don't like talking to people I know, but strangers, I have no problem with.”

“Hey, I may loathe myself, but it has nothing to do with the fact that I'm Jewish.”

“I'll give you 10 dollars for a verbal response. 10 dollars. Anybody want to make 10 dollars and respond verbally? No?”

“I can't assume dry, I gotta assume wet!”

“A lie is a gesture, it's a courtesy, it's a little respect. This is very disrespectful.”

“When I’m in social situations, I always hold onto my glass. It makes me feel comfortable and secure and I don’t have to shake hands.”

“I’m trying to elevate small talk to medium talk.”

“He wanted to stop and chat with me - and I don't know him well enough for a stop and chat.”

“An employee is told that the customer's always right and, in fact, the customer is usually a moron…”

“What is this compulsion to have people over at your house and serve them food and talk to them?”

"A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone."

“I didn't mean to waste 12 seconds of your precious time.”

“You know how bookstores make you feel stupid? Well health food stores make me feel really unhealthy.”

“You know me, I don't like to complain.”

“I'd rather have the thieves than the neighbors – the thieves don't impose. Thieves just want your things, neighbors want your time.”

“I'm applying the golden rule, are you?”

“I don't really like the outdoors, you know. It's not a good place for bald people out there.”

“I can't wait to call my parents. They are gonna be so proud of me!”

“Nobody likes to fly. I don't even like to drive. And I don't like walking.”

“It's completely unprofessional. And I know because my whole career's been based on being unprofessional.”

“Why are you listening to me? I don't know what I'm talking about.”

“I hate people individually, but I love mankind.”

“I need privacy; I need distance; I need to be alone.”

“You don’t need to send me something to tell me you’re going to send me something. Just send it.”

Legendary quotes from Curb Your Enthusiasm.

Whether you consider him the master of confrontation or the biggest jerk in the world, Larry David has had quite a run on HBO’s Curb Your Enthusiasm. Over the course of 12 seasons, he has gotten involved in some ridiculous and wild scrapes, and it’s been a constant joy to watch him dig his way out. He’s not exactly what one should or could consider a role model, as he gets himself in trouble more often than not, but there is also no denying that the man has wisdom to share about life and plenty of great quotes that can help anyone navigate the madness of reality.

It’s in celebration of this particular gift that we’ve put together this feature. Larry David is one of modern pop culture’s most quotable characters, and here are the hilarious Curb Your Enthusiasm lines that are applicable in real life.

HBO

Twelve seasons of Curb Your Enthusiasm are filled with incredibly useful Larry David quotes.

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