“The Bachelorette” season premiere recap: 25 Jenn-tlemen try to win her over

Get ready for the “shot o’clock” jokes.

Hello again, dear rose lovers! I hope you’ve enjoyed the three-month break from all things Bachelor Nation and that you feel rested and ready for the upcoming Bachelorette into Golden Bachelorette gauntlet. Tonight’s season 21 premiere of The Bachelorette gave us a spicy limo exit, a surprising dearth of first kisses, and an unsurprising surplus of “shot o’clock” jokes.

Let’s recap!

After a brief tease of some Proposal Platform™ drama, tonight’s “journey” begins with a re-introduction to our Bachelorette, Jenn Tran. You remember Jenn, right rose lovers? She’s the 26-year-old physician assistant student from Boston who went on a surfing date with (sweet angel baby) Joey Graziadei on The Bachelor… and then somehow wound up being the Bachelorette.

But you know what? Surprises are good, especially in this franchise. We did see glimpses of Jenn’s personality on Joey’s season (like when she gleefully made the Bachelor try her disgusting siracha-chocolate sauce poutine); still, in a lot of ways, she’s an unknown quantity — and we haven’t had one of those in a few years.

Of course, Jenn’s also an historic Bachelorette, as the franchise’s first Asian lead. I’ll admit I got a little choked up seeing Jenn at home with her family, especially after hearing Jenn talk about her incredible mother — who immigrated to America from Vietnam and raised Jenn and her brother, James, on her own — on After the Final Rose.

Same, mama!

“There is a lot of responsibility being the first Asian American Bachelorette,” says Jenn via voiceover, as we watch her take a selfie with two Asian women in a Boston park. “I want to be able to make everybody proud.”

Flash forward to night one, as Jenn slips into a gorgeous, beaded ivory gown and gets all dolled up with some (promotional consideration provided by) Maybelline Fit Me foundation.

“I’m gonna flirt my little booty off with a bunch of men!” Jenn promises. “Tonight, I’m going to meet my future husband.”

Her limo pulls up to… wait, the flagstones are wet, but that’s not the Bachelor Mansion! That’s the Hummingbird Nest Ranch in Simi Valley, California — the same place producers shot the short-lived Bachelor spin-off, Listen to Your Heart. Not sure why they’re not shooting at the mansion — especially since The Golden Bachelorette didn’t start filming until June. Maybe the family that lives in the mansion had a sudden urge to use the pool.

Whatever the reason, the “journey” must go on. Look — the first limo is arriving! Bring on the dudes.

Okay, starting off strong with this handsome gentleman, who producers absolutely did not send out first because he’s one of the few Asian men on the cast. Marcus, 31, is a former Army Ranger who served his country in six deployments. He was seriously injured by a grenade explosion during his final mission, but that just gave him a new appreciation for life. The dude is so patriotic, he even travels with an American flag in his suitcase.

Okay, that’s pretty endearing. Marcus hasn’t dated for about five years, but he’s ready to jump back in now. Good luck, soldier!

Up next, we have Marvin, 28:

Look at the smile on this guy! What a cutie. Marvin introduces himself in (somewhat halting) French, telling Jenn she’s “beautiful” and that he’s looking forward to speaking with her inside. Jenn LOVES it. “Marvin is tall, tall, and hot, hot,” she gushes.

Sam N., a 25-year-old entrepreneur from California, goes with a high-risk intro. “There’s something about me that I would like for you to know,” he says. “And that is, I am a virgin.” Jenn stares in silence for a few seconds, perhaps trying to figure out if he’s kidding. “Okay,” she says at last. Psych! Sam is just a “love virgin,” because he’s never been in love before. Phew. “I wasn’t going to judge,” Jenn says with a giggle, though she’s clearly (and understandably) relieved.

Hope the joke was worth it, Sam N., because you’ve just become the Bachelor graphic team’s new favorite punchline:

Sam comes from a traditional Iranian family, one that “takes relationships extremely serious.” In fact, Sam’s never had a girlfriend, because “the girl I make my girlfriend is the girl I make my wife.” And Jenn, he hopes, could be that girl. Another fun fact: While Marcus travels with an American flag, Sam N. travels with an eyelash curler.

His extra effort appears to have worked. “You’ve got crazy eyelashes,” marvels Jenn. “Has anyone ever told you that?”

Sam N. is the first to make the “Jenn-tleman” joke, but not the last. As the next limo arrives, the men inside chant, “Jenn-tlemen! Jenn-tlemen!” much to our Bachelorette’s delight. The chanting is soon replaced by something far more unpleasant:

Meet Grant, a 30-year-old day trader from Houston, and he’s decided to sing his introduction. “It’s nice to meet you/ My name is Grant/ We’ll make all these guys so jealous/ Because at the end of this show/ We’ll change your name to Mrs. Ellis.” Born in New Jersey, Grant played professional basketball overseas until an injury ended his career. Now he’s a Porsche-driving day trader with a diamond earring. Nice work if you can get it, I suppose.

Wait, who let Juan Pablo in here? Security!

Oh, my bad. That’s just Sam M., a 27-year-old contractor from Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. His opening salvo includes a reference to Jenn’s “it’s shot o’clock” moment from After the Final Rose. In his package, we also learn that Sam’s been engaged before, but that ended when his fiancée cheated on him. “That was definitely the biggest heartbreak I’ve ever experienced,” he says. Now, Sam is — say it with me, rose lovers — Ready to Find Love Again™.

Thomas N., a 31-year-old retirement advisor from Tucker, Georgia, is next, and he is freaking ADORABLE. He gives Jenn a friendship bracelet that spells out his last name — Nguyen (pronounced “win”) — and says he hopes they can turn their love story into a “Nguyen-win situation.” Come ON, that is so cute. Jenn, who appreciates “a good pun,” loves it.

Our first Canadian has arrived! Brendan, 30, is a real estate broker from Vancouver, and he’s… hungry?

Before Jenn knows what’s going on, Brendan has downed two hot peppers, and he’s quickly turning red. “I love getting my heart racing,” he explains, adding that he can “handle the heat” — both from the pepper and the pressure of competing for Jenn’s heart. A camera operator zooms in on Brendan’s sweaty forehead, and that camera operator deserves a raise.

A few rapid-fire intros: Dakota, a 27-year-old sommelier from Arizona pops a bottle of champagne. Kevin, a 35-year-old financial analyst from Denver, arrives carrying skis and wearing ski boots — but we never see the punchline, poor guy — while Spencer, a 30-year-old “pet portrait entrepreneur,” arrives with a set of pocket square options and asks Jenn to pick one.

Florida-based aesthetics consultant Brian, 33, also makes a “shot o’clock” joke — right after Sam M. brags in his confessional that his “shot o’clock” opener will set him apart from the other guys. And Brian is followed by yet another shot-centric joke: Matt, 27, an insurance executive from Georgia, offers Jenn a ginger shot to match his red hair.

Austin, 28, serves up a shot of a different kind. “Someone call 9-1-1, because you are looking so fire!” he declares, shooting off a spray of foam from a fire extinguisher.

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The most cringeworthy intro of the night goes to Ricky, a 28-year-old pharmaceutical rep from Miami. “I wrote a little something for you,” he says, before launching into a tuneless ditty that includes the line, “Is she naked / Or in scrubs?” Our Bachelorette does NOT love it.  “Was he staring at my boobs the whole time or was that just me?” she wonders aloud once Ricky is out of earshot.

Meanwhile, the most fool-proof intro goes to Tomas A., 27, a physiotherapist from Toronto. Because rose lovers, you cannot go wrong with… puppies!

Several of the men watching from the balcony know genius when they see it. “If that’s not a first impression,” muses one. “Everybody loves puppies.” Correct. Tomas A. hands one of the furry black labs to Jenn and tells her that like these sweet pups, he’s “cute, a little cuddly, and pretty loyal.” Of course, the Bachelorette absolutely loves it. “I don’t know how anyone’s going to top that,” she says.

Everyone, stop what you’re doing right now! We have a Big Paulie sighting. I repeat, WE HAVE A BIG PAULIE SIGHTING!

Oh, and that guy he’s pushing on the stretcher is Jonathon, 27, a creative director from Los Angeles. He’s “lovesick” — get it??? Not only does Jonathon keep the bandages over his face during his entire conversation with Jenn, he also intentionally moons her as he heads into the resort.

OMG, a rose instead of the Black Box of Shame? This is a monumental shift, Team Bachelor. A little heads-up next time would be appreciated.

Hang in there, rose lovers. Just one more group of guys to go. Aaron, a 29-year-old aerospace engineer from Tulsa, arrives on a motorcycle (complete with a sidecar for Jenn). In addition to being an aspiring fighter-jet pilot, Aaron is also related to Bachelor Nation veteran Noah Erb, who met his fiancée, Abigail, on Bachelor in Paradise. “It did work for Noah,” says Aaron of this “process.” Still, he’s “cautious,” because he’s already been married once before.

Related: All the Bachelor Nation couples who are still together

Not to be outdone by Aaron’s motorcycle, Jeremy, 29, arrives in a flashy red Corvette. “Hey Palmer, keep it close,” he tells Jesse Palmer, tossing the host his keys. (How many takes do you think they needed to get that shot?)

“I know what they say about people who have these kinds of cars — overcompensating,” says the real estate investor from New York. “But I wanted to let you know that in fact I have a really big, like a really big, [bleep].” Really, we’re bleeping the word “penis” now? (Yes, it’s an awkward entrance, but I think Jeremy is just making an uncomfortable callback to Jenn’s uncomfortable joke on After the Final Rose.)

On a more wholesome note, Dylan, a 24-year-old medical student from California, arrives with a stethoscope around his neck and a winning smile.

Another medical student, 25-year-old John from Florida, shows up with his very own pedestal for Jenn.

Because he’ll always put her on a pedestal — get it? Honestly, I’m surprised no one’s done this before. Jenn LOVES it. “I’ve never been put first in a relationship before. I’ve never been put on a pedestal before,” she says. “So, it feels like a little fairy tale.”

(Side note from an old married lady: If your relationship is more than one month old and your partner has never put your needs first, it is time to END THAT RELATIONSHIP. End of side note.)

Bringing up the rear are Brett, a 28-year-old health and safety manager from Pennsylvania; Moze, a 25-year-old algebra teacher from New York; startup founder Jahaan, 28, who gives Jenn a queen chess piece; and Devin, 28, a freight company owner from Texas. Like Jenn, he grew up with a single mom, and he hopes the Bachelorette will be drawn to his “big personality.” Jenn says he gives her a “Pete Davidson vibe,” which is both a compliment and an insult.

Last but not least…

“I brought the celebration for the most beautiful Bachelorette ever,” hollers Hakeem, a 29-year-old medical device salesman from Illinois. The balloons, he says, signify “how I felt when I found out you were going to be the Bachelorette.”  Hakeem, bless him, continues to wear his giant-bunch-of-balloons harness as he makes his way into the resort, and eventually he winds up stuck to a tree branch. Would someone please cut him free? Jenn’s about to make her first toast.

The Bachelorette tells her assembled suitors that after a lot of “trial and error” and “toxic relationships,” she’s finally figured out her worth. She doesn’t expect perfection from the men, but — and this part is implied — Jenn Tran does expect respect. Cheers to that!

Sam M., who’s been doing his best to exude alpha-dog energy all night, grabs Jenn first. “I’m here for the long haul,” he tells her. “What I want out of this is somebody that chooses me the same way I would choose that person.” Way to say something without really saying anything, bro! The man has the audacity to lean in for a kiss, but Jenn gives him the cheek.

“I definitely want to kiss him, but it just didn’t feel right in that moment,” she says. “I want to get to know their hearts before I’m ready to take that step.”

Related: The Bachelorette's Jesse Palmer on bare butts and puppy love in the season premiere

Does that mean we’re going to get a kiss-free season premiere? That would be pretty refreshing, especially after Joey’s night-one smooch-fest. Anyhoo, Jenn is now talking to Spencer about his “pet portrait” business, and the Bachelorette likes his “Golden retriever energy.” Thomas N. and Jenn bond over their immigrant parents and all the sacrifices they made for their children, and then Tomas A. the puppy guy decides to lighten things up with a group game of Truth or Dare.

Austin rolls the giant “truth or dare” die first, and boy, is he sorry he did — because the first dare is “Go streaking through the house.” And so the poor guy strips down to his… lion undies?

I’m calling BS. Producers had to know Austin was wearing ridiculous underwear, right? Whatever the case, Austin follows through and runs naked (or “naked”) through the rooms, even high-fiving Palmer along the way. The game continues, with men performing other silly dares (act like a chicken, impersonate Jenn) and revealing hard-hitting truths. Moze answers “Have you ever ghosted someone?” with a blasé, “All the time!” Jenn scrunches her face up, clearly displeased, but Hakeem’s reaction truly priceless. The dude executes a perfect Jim Halpert!

When it’s Sam N.’s turn to sit down with Jenn, the graphics team goes above and beyond with his on-screen identification.

Chef’s kiss, guys. Keep ‘em coming all season.

At last, it’s time for Jonathon to show the Bachelorette more than just his butt cheeks. He asks Jenn to unwrap the bandages on his face, leading to the big reveal:

The Bachelorette likes what she sees. “Jonathon is very hot,” she says. “He’s making me hot.” I guess the bit was worth it, buddy. Congrats.

Will it be enough to land Jonathon the First Impression Rose, which Palmer just delivered to the living room? If it were up to me, the FiR would go to Brett, who demonstrated his “party trick” — doing the splits — during the game of Truth or Dare and just generally seems like a real sweetheart.

I know who won’t be getting that First Impression Rose: Brian, the Botox-loving aesthetics consultant who just interrupted Jenn and Jeremy, as they were chatting outside in the Corvette.

“I’m going to take her for a drive,” Brian says smugly, brandishing the keys and attempting to get Jeremy to exit the vehicle. “This is my time with the lady.” A tense standoff ensues, with Jeremy trying to get his keys back from Brian and Brian trying to get Jeremy to get out of the car. (Jenn, meanwhile, just sits there and doesn’t intervene — because that’s what the leads are told to do.)

Eventually, Jeremy decides to be the bigger man. He goes back inside, and though Jenn is gracious, she seems a little annoyed with Brian. “That was a bold move of you,” she says, smiling tightly.

Moving on. Devin tells Jenn about his challenging childhood and how it led to him having a “big personality.” The conversation soon turns to more frivolous things, including his biggest turn-offs. “I like when a girl’s nails are done,” he admits. Jenn responds by informing Devin that she shaved her toes in preparation for night one. (Normalize women talking about their body hair!) The conversation goes so well, Devin thinks he has a shot at the First Impression Rose.

Related: The Bachelorette: Meet the 25 contestants hoping to woo Jenn Tran

Meanwhile, the other guys are angling to get the first kiss — thinking it will help them get that rose. Grant the beatboxer challenges Jenn to a game of hoops. “If I win, I get a kiss,” he declares. The Bachelorette is ok with that wager, and she even considers giving him the first smooch. “He is very much my type,” she admits. “He’s hot. He’s hot, he’s also hot, and he’s hot.” Just when she’s about to give in, Thomas N. swoops in to steal Jenn away.

But the smooches are nowhere to be found. Instead, Jenn talks to the men who are trying to court her. She learns about Marcus’ career in the military and is surprised to discover that Aaron Erb has 10 siblings. “You’re one of 10?” she gasps. (Close enough, sweetie.) Aaron goes on to reveal that his twin brother, Noah, met his fiancée on Bachelor in Paradise. “I’m the older brother — the more mature one,” he says with a laugh. “You’re getting the better end of the deal here.”

At long last, it’s time for Jenn to hand out the FiR. Unfortunately, it doesn’t go to Brett, or Hakeem, or even Aaron. Instead, the “winner” is…

Sam M.? Blech. And I’m not just saying this because he looks like Juan Pablo. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but the guy just radiates “douchebag.” Even worse, Jenn grants Sam M. the first (and only) kiss of the night. Ewwww.

Tink! Tink! Tink! In walks Jesse Palmer with his Butter Knife of Bad News™. Sunlight is streaming through the windows, and it’s time for the first culling of the season.

Rose ceremony roll call! Dylan, Thomas N., Spencer, Grant, Marcus, Tomas A., John M., Jeremy, Devan, Brian, Aaron, Jahaan, Hakeem, Jonathon (who whispers “Don’t look at my butt” to the guys as he steps down from the risers), Austin, Marvin, and Sam N. join Sam M. in the Circle of Safety™. That means we must say goodbye to Brendan, Brett (boo!), Dakota, Kevin, Matt, Moze, and Ricky. (Right about now, Moze is probably regretting his decision to brag about ghosting a bunch of women.)

“These men made me feel so special and so deserving,” says Jenn, tearing up. “Which I don’t feel like often.” Still, she’s trying to move out of that headspace. “It definitely has sunk in that I am the Bachelorette, and I realize that I am worthy of love. I am worthy of all these men being here for me.” Darn right, ma’am!

Related: The Bachelorette's Jenn Tran defends her infamous pineapple-sriracha-chocolate poutine recipe: 'One of the best'

With that, Jenn announces that they’re leaving the resort tomorrow, and headed to… Melbourne, Australia! Cue the extra-long “this season on The Bachelorette” preview. It features the expected highs (kissing, fireworks, more kissing, Bachelor Nation guest stars, premature declarations of love) and inevitable lows (the shocking return of an ex, tears, accusations about people who aren’t there for the Right Reasons™, testosterone-fueled shouting matches, more tears).

Oh, and of course there’s the “no Bachelorette has ever done this before” tease — coupled with an edit that strongly implies Jenn doesn’t choose either of her final two. Lest we forget, though, Bachelor producers were the original AI, and they’re experts at morphing reality into very convincing fiction.

Welp, we’ve made it through week one, rose lovers! Did Jenn meet (or exceed) your expectations as Bachelorette? Did you miss the mansion? Which guys do you like? And will you join me in urging producers to send Brett to the next season of Paradise? Let me know your thoughts on Twitter @KristenGBaldwin or on Bluesky at @kristengbaldwin.bsky.social.

The Bachelorette airs Mondays at 8 p.m. ET/PT on ABC.

Read the original article on Entertainment Weekly.