Boy sober: What is driving the new anti-dating trend?

Dating apps have completely changed the face of romance in recent years. While they offer convenience and the promise of connection at the swipe of a finger, many have found apps have become breeding grounds for harassment.

Therefore, it is of no surprise that many turned to being “boy sober”.

In 2020, when Dr Lisa Portolan studied dating apps and intimacy, most of the women she studied had experienced violence enabled by technology. These included harassers, scammers, abusive behaviour, requests for or receipt of unsolicited sexual imagery, bullying, and even stalking.

Julia Fox is one of the many names known to have joined the club.

What is boy sober?

Boy sober is a self-care initiative that involves a year-long ban on all dating activities, including sex.

A boy sober year provides time for introspection, healing, and self-reflection while concentrating on future goals, both personal and romantic. The movement started as a monthly comedy performance in Brooklyn that comedian and storyteller Hope Woodard ran, and it has since grown to become a social media trend, particularly among TikTok users who are Generation Z women.

Why is boy sober becoming trendy?

The decrease in usage of dating apps and increase in TikTok’s with the hashtag boy sober indicates an increasing number of women are turning to boy sober.

As of right now, there are at least 555 posts under the hashtag.

The usage of dating apps has been steadily declining; according to popular dating app Tinder, which saw a five per cent drop in user activity in 2021.

Shares of Match Group, the parent business of Tinder, and Bumble have consistently decreased in value. Given that over 90 per cent of Gen Z express displeasure with dating apps, as documented by youth research organisation Savanta, this trend presents an increasing difficulty for these companies.

Many seem to experience dating app fatigue, which is when people are becoming more and more weary of swiping through dating apps and spending money on dates that finish in limbo.

Natasha Silverman, a relationship counsellor with Relate said: “If you’re feeling burned out by dating, it might be time to have a little bit of a break. Focus on what you love doing, and on the people in your life who matter.

“When you’re feeling more confident and secure, it tends to be that you come to dating from a really different place. You know who you are, and what you’re willing to tolerate.”

What are some similar trends to boy sober?

There is also a version for men known as girl sober. The rules are pretty much the same.

Another term that is similar to boy/girl sober is nonamory, which is a way of living or dating that excludes close, committed relationships of any kind, whether platonic or romantic.

Although nonamorous people tend to be in relationships, it is very different from the traditional kind.

The opposite of nonamorous and boy/girl sober is polyamory, which is the practice of having more than one romantic partner.